When faced with the question, “Can a narcissist change for the better?” I often find myself conflicted. The honest answer, as harsh as it may seem, requires a deep dive into the complexities of narcissistic behavior and the arduous path towards any semblance of change. My instinct is to provide a thorough, detailed response that outlines the requirements for a narcissist to improve: psychotherapy with a trained professional for 5–10 years, intensive self-reflection, and an unwavering commitment to change. Yes, there are self-aware narcissists, and there is a sliver of hope for their transformation. However, my experience has led me to believe that a different, more protective approach is often necessary. Sometimes, a well-intentioned white lie is needed: No, they can’t change.
The Harsh Reality of Narcissistic Change
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a deeply ingrained condition characterized by grandiosity, a lack of empathy, and an intense need for admiration. These traits make genuine self-improvement exceptionally challenging. Narcissists often see themselves as superior to others, which hinders their ability to recognize their flaws or the impact of their behavior on those around them. This fundamental aspect of NPD makes therapy a daunting task, both for the narcissist and the therapist.
Psychotherapy: The Long and Winding Road
Psychotherapy is the primary avenue through which a narcissist can seek change. This process typically involves years of consistent therapy, often ranging from 5 to 10 years. During therapy, narcissists must confront their deeply rooted issues, which requires an extraordinary level of self-awareness and willingness to change. Even with the best efforts, success is rare. Self-aware narcissists do exist and may strive for betterment, but they are the exception rather than the rule.
The Need for a Protective Stance: A White Lie
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