How do you beat a narcissist at their own game? How do you corner them? How do you keep them at bay? How do you teach them a lesson? Is there even a way to do any of this? Well, there is, but that way is not to fight them the way they fight you because they have already mastered that fight and control the outcome. It’s like wrestling with pigs: pigs enjoy it, they get dirty, you get dirty as well, but you won’t like it, and you will get hurt. So, how do you fight them? How do you defeat them? Let’s find out in today’s episode.
Number One: Become Ice Cold Towards Them
I have said it so many times by now that a narcissist feeds on your emotions. They are parasites, predators who need you to feel something. The moment you feel something, they feel power. The moment you react to their fight, the moment you start yelling and screaming the way they are yelling and screaming, you lose because it’s not who you are. It’s not your authentic self, but their screaming and yelling self is what they essentially are—they’re nothing beyond that.
So, what should you do in this situation? Anytime a narcissist tries to push your buttons, draw a boundary, mark your territory, but do not yell, do not scream, do not give them the response they want from you. In other words, do not justify yourself—no justifications needed. You do not have to prove yourself; they know what they have done. It’s just that they do not want to acknowledge it or they want to blame it on you. Do not argue because you know you’re not going to get anything out of those arguments. These are circular conversations and you won’t achieve anything. You will only lose yourself, your sanity, and your strength, which are your most important assets.
Do not explain yourself. Why would you explain you didn’t mean what they make it seem like you meant, or you didn’t say what they blame you for saying? The person is not interested in knowing what you said or didn’t say—they are interested in making you think you are making up things, going crazy, or misremembering. There is no point in explaining anything to this manipulative individual.
Lastly, do not personalize blame shifting. They will call you all the names possible and imaginable, all the bad labels. Your main job is not to take any of that personally by telling yourself that it is not your truth. It is the projection defense mechanism of the narcissist; it is basically a confession. Every single thing they are saying, blaming you for, is nothing but a confession. What you should do is look for proof for those confessions. If the narcissist says you are destroying the children, know that they are doing it. They have given you the clue, something to work on and find out how they are doing it.
Anytime they go crazy with yelling and screaming and become really loud, you calm down. Control the situation. Either stay silent or say something like, “When you are done, let me know so we can get started with the topic,” or “We can get started discussing the problem.” Keep repeating yourself until they realize there is no point in yelling and screaming because you see through them, you know what they’re trying to do, and you’re not going to give them that power. Or say, “I do not respond to that volume,” so they know they are done here. There is nothing to manipulate, nothing to exploit. Always give monosyllabic answers whenever possible or one-liners like, “We both know that is not what happened,” or “I understand why you think that way, but that is your opinion and you are entitled to have one.” Agree to disagree and drop it there. Watch them throw tantrums, but do not respond by reacting.
Number Two: Remain Decisive
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