You cannot be reactive as I was explaining because your reaction will always be used against you. When I say stay decisive or remain decisive, I mean keep your prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain that enables executive functioning—accessible. How do you do that? By knowing what’s going on in your body. You need to understand that when we are in a survival state of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, we are not able to think properly, logically understand things, decide, or plan. Why? Because we don’t have access to our prefrontal cortex, the evolved part of the brain. We stay in this emotional survival part of the brain and only know how to react. That is not going to help you here.
You have to always come to your body, know what’s going on, and most importantly, relax it intentionally. Imagine that the narcissist you’re trying to deal with is like a bulldog that can bite but is chained. It can only bark. Be relaxed-vigilant, not hyper-vigilant. Hyper-vigilance won’t help; relaxed vigilance will. Remain relaxed-vigilant by relaxing your body, imagining you are a wet noodle, relaxing your jaw. This is very crucial. I have done it personally; it helps a lot for you to play along. It’s a game of chess—you have to predict what moves will be made before you make a move. So, relax your arms, sit properly, and tell yourself, “I’m dealing with a toddler. I can handle this. I just do not have to react.”
Number Three: Use Their Narcissistic Traits Against Them
Can a Narcissist Change for the Better?
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