If you go after winning obsessively, you may lose track because the narcissist knows how to cleverly and strategically maneuver. They know what buttons to push to derail you and hamper your progress. Your focus should be on the present moment and handling the challenges they present, not on winning always. Yes, that should be the ultimate goal, but don’t be misled by it.
When I say state facts, I mean gather the evidence or present the evidence you have for each of their behaviors. You cannot call them a narcissist in the court system, or if you call them a narcissist in front of objective people, they may say, “Oh, you’re psycholabeling this person. How do you know? Being assessed as a narcissist takes months.” You know how that goes.
So what do you do? How can you handle that very cleverly? You point out all their behavioral traits. For example, a narcissist is arrogant, vindictive, punitive, non-cooperative, not amicable, rigid, condescending, exploitative, extreme in their approach, sometimes malevolent, sadistic—I can go on and on. What I am trying to do here is help you think of all the traits you can name, the labels that can describe their personality instead of calling them what they actually are, which is a narcissist.
For each trait you identify, gather evidence. Describe how they are arrogant, malevolent, or rigid. Give examples and point out the proof. Either show the proof if you need to or keep it ready. If you have text messages, make a folder of those text messages and name it “Exploitation.” Then you know where to find proof of this. Write a book about this person, a biography. Describe their personality. Open a Word document and describe them, their traits, and for each trait have detailed examples and descriptions and evidence. This will help you be perceived as rational, logical, the sane one, the person who has things in control and has a lot to show rather than a lot to say. The narcissist will have a lot to say, but no proof. You do. Your documentation will help you; you just have to know how to use it properly.
Number Five: Know When to Disengage
21 Stages of a Narcissistic Relationship
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