All of a sudden those text messages that went on all day long from the first “Good morning beautiful”s to the last “goodnight my love”s will turn into short form responses like “hey.” or excuses like “Oh yea, sorry I was busy all day, couldn’t chat”. Of course normal people do get busy in life but with the covert narcissist they will go from always being available to/for you to being the busiest person in the world although nothing in their life has changed for that to happen. You will feel in your gut that he or she is coming up with excuses. That chai latte you love, that you started expecting the covert narcissist to bring you every morning starts not being brought to you anymore with the excuse of “oh, I was running late to work for the 3rd day in a row, so I didn’t have time to get your coffee. Guess I can’t wakeup on time anymore because I’ve been spending so many nights with you.” (Notice the passive aggression, the blame game etc.) Those days where he’d spend every moment of his free time taking you to your favorite museums, talking to you for hours or stopping by your house with takeout food just to spend more time with you, turns into “I have to cancel our plans for this weekend, my boss is really on my ass about finishing this project”. Or “Sorry I can’t make it tonight, I have to work overtime” or “Yea I’m not going to be able to make brunch my aunts cat died and I’m consoling her.” The excuses will be more, the time spent together will be less, and they will put in the least amount of effort in things he or she does do from now on etc. All of those above acts are done on purpose to tear you so far down, to belittle you and to give you enough push & pull to control you.
Those acts are called breadcrumbing and small silent treatments. He was never running late to work… he just chose not to get your chai latte because you showed him that you weren’t superhumanly perfect so he doesn’t feel like impressing you anymore, he’s never too busy to see you…he’s purposefully canceling plans with you to hurt you and to have you as a back-up plan now. He isn’t too busy to text you all the time anymore either, he’s doing so knowing how much you want him to do so but he’s asserting that fact that he is one in control now. At this point the narcissist is usually using all of that time he used to spend with you and talking to you, now searching out a new source (a new Beau), and by the end of your devaluation stage he will be spending that time away from you now lovebombing his new souce. To him at that point you’re an old toy he’s now bored of and he is with his shiny new object. Please note that he isn’t bored with you because of anything you’ve done, but that just comes with NPD and how they act when they see that you aren’t a superhuman, perfect person.
This Triggers The Narcissist To Come Back
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