Also in the beginning of your devaluation stage, maybe even before he’s found a new source, (especially if he felt slighted by you) he’ll start subtly insulting you and framing it as “jokes”, or frame the insults as “general ideas” or by stating “I’m just an honest person.” As his passive aggression begins it will start off as “jokes” ie. Let’s say in a text conversation you state how you feel as though he isn’t paying you as much attention anymore. He may respond by saying a “joke” like “well you’re a needy one aren’t ya ha ha 😜😘”. As the devaluation stage continues he’ll be more in your face with tear downs. For example, let’s say he knows you love Luke Bryan (the country pop star) and he used to love singing along to his songs with you in the lovebomb stage. Now he’ll be sitting in the car and a Luke Bryan song will come on the radio and he’ll say something like “Ugh I have to change this, pop country music is so trashy now”. Or let’s say he hears you telling your girl friends on the phone how you feel insecure about your body and how hard it is for you to maintain a healthy diet. He may say something to you like “You’re wearing THAT dress? Did it shrink in the wash? Oh it’s new? Hm maybe you just put on weight! Hey don’t get mad at me, I’m just an honest person”.
All of the above is him using the manipulative tactics of silent treatments, breadcrumbing, passive-aggression etc. All to play mental gymnastics with you. It will be very subtle in the beginning to have you question what you did wrong. You will be utterly confused because in the beginning of the devaluation stage, especially with a covert narcissist you won’t be having any kind of arguments or fights. As far as you know, things were going great. Now here you are with this “perfect” man and you start thinking to yourself “Omg he stopped texting me as much, it’s been 3 days since I’ve even heard back from him, I know my clinginess drove men away before so I’m not going to ask him why he isn’t talking to me, I’ll look crazy..he already told me he’s been super busy now..but his job never mattered before..what did I do wrong to make him want to see or talk to me less.” Then on the 4th or 5th day he’ll start calling and texting you all day long again, making your endorphins run high and you’ll start to get comfortable and happy again thinking “phew, I was just being crazy ..there goes the man I love.” Only for him to on the 7th day start breadcrumbing you again (giving you just enough attention to keep you strung along) and you crave it because that’s what he programed you to expect all lovebomb-stage along and now you feel as though you need his affection/attention so you put up with the breadcrumbing.
How A Narcissist Devalues You In A Relationship
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