The profound bond between a parent and a child is universally cherished, isn’t it? However, with narcissistic parents, the fabric of this relationship is tainted by motives beyond affection. Narcissists are driven by their image and how they are seen in public. The need to look good and uphold a favorable public image leads to a complex and damaging relationship with their children. They use their children as trophies, accessories, and objects but never truly connect with them. They do not see their children as individuals with a separate personality who have the right to grow, expand, and explore the world on their terms. Absolutely not. They see their children as possessions to own and use in whatever way they think they can.
Narcissistic parents show affection for public approval
Narcissistic parents shower their children with affection when in public. This display, however, is primarily aimed at garnering admiration and approval from others. My mother used to do that all the time. In private, she would be completely disconnected and uninvolved, but in public, when others were watching, she would be the nicest, kindest, and sweetest mother. I would be taken aback, wondering what had changed. Had I done something miraculous for her to become this godly mother, or was she pleased with me for reasons I did not know? That is how it feels to be with a narcissistic parent who has this Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde side. This is the core origin of the trauma bond that a child develops with their parent. The underlying motive of this parent is to present themselves as caring parents rather than genuinely cherishing their child’s happiness and well-being. It’s all about the show.
Idealization of the toddler stage
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