Narcissists favor the toddler stage in their children’s lives because this is when they receive abundant attention and compliments from others regarding their child. The focus on the parent’s role at this stage rather than the child’s development results in affection that is shallow and self-serving. When you are a toddler, you can’t talk. Narcissists love silence. You do what they want you to do. You comply; you’re totally obedient. That compliance is seen as the highest form of supply. There is no true parent-child relationship. It’s all about owning this thing they have in their hands. This child is always looking for them, always crying for their attention, always wanting them to be around, and depending on them for every single need. This form of validation is the highest form of drug for the narcissist. That is why they are really nice to you when you’re very young. It’s only when you start individuating, developing a separate personality, that they show their true colors.
They love control and compliance
As children grow, especially between the ages of 3 and 15, they are less likely to question authority. This is a phase when the narcissistic parent finds it easier to mold you according to their image, which may be mistaken for fondness but is more about control and compliance. They choose what you study, the school you go to, your friends—everything is shaped by them. You do not have an identity of your own; you just become an extension of theirs. If you try to express your individuality, your separateness, your differences in any way—differences from them, differences that make you a completely unique individual—you are seen as a troublemaker. The alarm goes off in their head, and the attack begins.
Their love is very conditional
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