A characteristic trait in the relationship between a narcissistic parent and their children is the conditionality of affection. A parent is supposed to show unconditional positive regard toward their children. It doesn’t mean unconditional enabling, of course not. It just means accepting the child for who they are. But the love of a narcissistic parent is very conditional; it is transactional, performance-based. You are only seen as deserving of their love when you meet their expectations. If not, you are devalued and eventually discarded. Love and attention are often contingent on the child’s ability to meet the parent’s expectations, especially in terms of reflecting positively on them.
They utilize children as leverage
A narcissistic parent uses their children as pawns to manipulate situations or individuals. Children are placed in the center of adult issues. They become the therapists, the mediators, the ones who carry burdens they do not have the capacity to carry. They become the ones who resolve conflicts without any skills or capabilities to do so. They may use you as a pawn against the other parent. If both parents are narcissists, you are trapped in a hell because you have no one. They may use you to punish the other parent. In most cases, you do not know you are being used until later, when the damage has already been done. They use you to gain the upper hand over situations, to display to the public, and as their achievement, as if you’re the one who brings glory. You are not seen as yourself; no mental representation of a relationship with you, except as a source of supply, exists.
You are used to display a perfect family image
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