As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, you may develop behaviors that seem strange to you or others. For example, you may feel unsafe in your own home and obsessively check locks, repeatedly, not knowing how to stop. You might prefer being alone, drinking alone, sleeping alone, and doing everything alone. You may also become very anxious about your appearance due to the constant criticism from the narcissist. These behaviors can make you feel unsure of yourself, as if something is wrong or broken within you.
Behavior 1: Feeling Anxious About Your Looks
Constant criticism from the narcissist can make you panic about your appearance, always fearing another ugly remark. If you’re still living with a narcissist, they know how to put you down, fill you with shame, and make you lose confidence. This constant criticism can lead to body dysmorphia, where you obsess over perceived flaws in your appearance.
Behavior 2: Over-Explaining Things
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In a narcissistic relationship, you might have been made to feel stupid or that your words didn’t make sense, leading you to over-explain to ensure others understand you. This is a trauma response, a way to avoid being misunderstood or blamed, but it comes at the cost of your sanity.
Behavior 3: Avoiding Eye Contact
Some survivors avoid eye contact due to fear of confrontation or internalized shame. Others might make intense eye contact as a form of resistance. Avoiding eye contact can be a response to feeling overwhelmed by the stress and unpredictability of a narcissistic environment.
Behavior 4: Fear of Crowds and Closed Spaces (Agoraphobia)
Overwhelmed by stress, the thought of dealing with crowds can cause panic and anxiety. This fear is a trauma response to the overwhelming unpredictability you experienced.
Behavior 5: Constantly Checking Locks
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Obsessively checking locks is a response to feeling unsafe. In the narcissistic environment, there was a constant lack of control and safety, leading to obsessive behaviors as your brain tries to ensure your safety.
Behavior 6: Preferring to Be Alone
You may prefer to be alone because of social anxiety, a lack of trust, and an aversion to shallow interactions. The betrayal by the narcissist has made it hard for you to trust others and engage in small talk, making you seek deeper, more meaningful connections.
These behaviors, though seemingly strange, are normal trauma responses. They are adaptations to the environment you experienced. To heal, intense trauma work is needed, which involves going to the origin of these emotions and working through them. For more guidance, you can refer to my program “Heal After Narcissistic Abuse in Five Practical Steps,” which provides a comprehensive approach to healing and becoming your authentic self.
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