They will come back to you as many times as they want if you allow it. Even after months or sometimes years of no contact, many narcissists will test their supplies loyalty time and time again. In other words, they want to lure you back into the drama. They need to restore their powerful, superior identity, and that need keeps them coming back for more and more.
Narcissists don’t have their own identity. They create fantasies of who they are, and they depend on other people to enable that fantasy. When that fantasy feels threatened, they do whatever they can to restore their homeostasis. Of course, this pattern can be incredibly confusing. Narcissists might make a dramatic scene about how they’re done with you forever only to come pathetically crawling back at a moment’s notice. You may find yourself feeling flattered or special with this kind of treatment. The narcissist knows this because they understand the concept of cognitive empathy the same way a shady car salesman can sell you a car that you aren’t prepared to invest in.
What Happens When the Narcissist Can’t Control You?
Once the narcissist can no longer control you, they lose almost all of their power. Suddenly, they don’t appear any different than the rambunctious toddler throwing a temper tantrum at the playground. Their extreme displays of behavior may even seem funny, although they also feel frustrating, confusing, and embarrassing. Keep in mind that you need to change if you want the narcissist to stop controlling you. They will make plenty of promises and half-hearted attempts to change. None of these efforts are sustainable in the long term. Narcissists aren’t interested in making you happy; they’re interested in keeping themselves happy. If you briefly bring them happiness, they may shower you with the illusion of affection, love, and kindness. But the moment their feelings change, it feels like an unexpected war.
What Narcissists Don’t Want You to Know
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
