In my opinion and experience, this is the magnetic force that draws us into these very unhealthy, toxic, destructive relationship dynamics. Because of our own unresolved wounding and trauma, we can be highly reactive. Therefore, we don’t have to be in a relationship with a destructive narcissist for very long before they’re adding to the pain and trauma that we already carry. So it’s the experience that boils down to stacking pain on top of pain on top of more pain.
As many of you already know, when you are on the receiving end of the kind of BS that a destructive narcissist will bring to the table—their manipulative ways, the lying, the gaslighting, the betrayal, the gossip and smear campaigns—naturally, you’re having very legitimate reactions and responses to what are often extremely inappropriate and unhealthy ways of thinking and behaving. Meaning you’re having what is actually a very rational and sane response to very irrational and insane attitudes and behavior.
Nonetheless, we often end up feeling like we’re the crazy ones, like there’s something wrong with us, and this is precisely how we play into the narcissist’s hands and cooperate as a source of narcissistic supply. The more highly reactive we are, the more we feed them that emotional and energetic supply that they quite literally get high on. Narcissists are high-conflict personality types because they literally feed off of the conflict and the drama, the pain and the shame that they deliberately stir up for whomever their chosen target happens to be. They literally get a kick out of this kind of power dynamic.
So know up front that this is who and what you’re dealing with—an energy vampire with deliberate and malevolent intent—and it’s your energy, through your emotional reactivity, that these sick puppies are after, using you as a source of greedy narcissistic supply if they think they can get away with it.
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