In order to be able to use the gray rock method and do it well, it’s going to require some practice. So be willing to practice when the stakes are low and it doesn’t matter much, so that when the stakes are high and it does matter, you have some practice under your belt. What will be helpful is to consciously decide in advance that you will leave all emotion out of any exchange you have with them. All emotion. Put your business hat on and treat any exchange with them, no matter who they are, like it’s a business transaction—no emotion. This mindset will make it much easier to remain gray rock when they turn up the volume, which they will, in an attempt to get a rise out of you.
So expect that when you choose to use the gray rock method with a destructive narcissist, the volume on the nonsense will go up at first. Initially, they’ll probably be confused, and then when they aren’t getting the expected reaction out of you, they’re probably going to be pissed. Narcissists don’t like losing power and control. So initially, they might be taken aback a little bit by your new personal power and non-reactivity, and then they’re not going to like it, and it’s going to show. They’ll crank up the volume on whatever method they use to get the desired emotional response from you. Whatever it is that they typically do, you can expect it to get worse at first, maybe even a lot worse for a period of time before it gets better.
They will do and say whatever it takes to elicit a negative response from you. Why? Well, because any attention at all is what these folks are after, and negative attention is better than no attention for a narcissist. They’re like little children, right? Angry little children. So when they’re not able to affect that kind of power and control over you, they’re going to up the ante for a little while, and your job is to stand firm in your decision to take care of yourself. Keep breathing, hold on to yourself, stay calm, cool, and collected, no matter what. You have to say to yourself, “Do not give your power away.” Instead, stay committed to being as flat, boring, and uninteresting as possible. Don’t give any updates, no news, good or bad. You are neutral. No information, no ammunition, no energy, no attention, no response, or as little as possible. Just stay fully committed to being the gray rock in the room and leave your ego out of it.
Eventually, the narcissist is going to realize that this isn’t fun anymore, and then what happens is they’ll have to go somewhere else to get their hit, their fix, their source of supply. As a result, they leave you in peace.
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