After surviving narcissistic abuse or leaving a narcissist, did anybody tell you, “I don’t recognize you. What has happened to you? You look completely different.” Did you yourself notice some major facial changes such as sagging, eye bags, or inflammation? Does your face look bigger and older than it should for your age? If yes, then I must tell you there is a direct link between the stress you have experienced in such a relationship and what your face is showing. If that sounds interesting and you want to know how that happens and how to reverse it, please stay until the end.
Before we begin, I want to make one thing very clear: you cannot look at this one phenomenon in isolation and say you are with a narcissist. People in the comments sometimes come to conclusions or make it seem like I am coming to conclusions. Just because someone’s face looks different does not necessarily mean they are with a narcissist. How can you say so? I’m not saying so. I always make it very clear that you have to consider the context. You have to look for other patterns. This is just one of the many manifestations of trauma caused by narcissistic abuse. Those who think I’m reaching or that these things are just a load of BS need to educate themselves on trauma and do their own research to understand how trauma changes us physically. The body keeps the score, so it’s not something I’m just throwing in the air. Just because I think there should be a link doesn’t mean there is a link. Of course not. I do my own research, relate those things to my own personal life, and then share those views with you.
In a narcissistic relationship, every second spent with the monster is spent struggling, worrying, in tension, always anxious, and waiting for the sky to fall. I have said it many times: this keeps your body in an activated state, which we call hypervigilance. What does that look like on a muscular level? Tightness. I’ve talked about our shoulders, neck, and the body downward, but what about the face? Your face is the primary place that absorbs the stress caused by narcissistic abuse. There are eyes that see it all, ears that hear it all, and your mouth and throat. You lose your voice in such a relationship; you can’t speak, you are choked. I call it psychological strangulation. How does that look on your face? The muscles on the corners almost go down and stay down due to overwhelming sadness. The muscles create tension in this area, causing a sagging effect. This, combined with downward motion, leads to inward pinching. You unconsciously tighten your eyebrows, and your eyes are always on alert. Your eyes may sink in, which was the primary facial change that happened to me at a very young age. My eyes were completely sunken in, making me look older than my actual age. This facial feature is also present in my other siblings and children in our family.
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