After surviving narcissistic abuse or leaving a narcissist, did anybody tell you, “I don’t recognize you. What has happened to you? You look completely different.” Did you yourself notice some major facial changes such as sagging, eye bags, or inflammation? Does your face look bigger and older than it should for your age? If yes, then I must tell you there is a direct link between the stress you have experienced in such a relationship and what your face is showing. If that sounds interesting and you want to know how that happens and how to reverse it, please stay until the end.
Before we begin, I want to make one thing very clear: you cannot look at this one phenomenon in isolation and say you are with a narcissist. People in the comments sometimes come to conclusions or make it seem like I am coming to conclusions. Just because someone’s face looks different does not necessarily mean they are with a narcissist. How can you say so? I’m not saying so. I always make it very clear that you have to consider the context. You have to look for other patterns. This is just one of the many manifestations of trauma caused by narcissistic abuse. Those who think I’m reaching or that these things are just a load of BS need to educate themselves on trauma and do their own research to understand how trauma changes us physically. The body keeps the score, so it’s not something I’m just throwing in the air. Just because I think there should be a link doesn’t mean there is a link. Of course not. I do my own research, relate those things to my own personal life, and then share those views with you.
In a narcissistic relationship, every second spent with the monster is spent struggling, worrying, in tension, always anxious, and waiting for the sky to fall. I have said it many times: this keeps your body in an activated state, which we call hypervigilance. What does that look like on a muscular level? Tightness. I’ve talked about our shoulders, neck, and the body downward, but what about the face? Your face is the primary place that absorbs the stress caused by narcissistic abuse. There are eyes that see it all, ears that hear it all, and your mouth and throat. You lose your voice in such a relationship; you can’t speak, you are choked. I call it psychological strangulation. How does that look on your face? The muscles on the corners almost go down and stay down due to overwhelming sadness. The muscles create tension in this area, causing a sagging effect. This, combined with downward motion, leads to inward pinching. You unconsciously tighten your eyebrows, and your eyes are always on alert. Your eyes may sink in, which was the primary facial change that happened to me at a very young age. My eyes were completely sunken in, making me look older than my actual age. This facial feature is also present in my other siblings and children in our family.
Sharing is caring!
A few years ago, my classmates asked me, “What’s wrong with you?” I would respond, “Why do you think anything is wrong with me?” They would say, “You look quite tense in your face, as if you have been attacked by something. You look quite afraid.” This shocked me because I was not aware of what was wrong with my face. I would then go to the restroom to take a look and noticed my eyes looked wide open, as if they had experienced some kind of brutality or extreme violence. Isn’t that true? That is what I experienced and witnessed with my own eyes, and it showed up continuously without me knowing. They say the eyes are the windows to your soul; I say the eyes are the windows to your trauma. You just have to understand the language they speak.
Another major facial change due to narcissistic abuse trauma and stress is looking older. You may be 18 but look 37, and people won’t understand why. Your face is always in a worried state; it looks bigger and different. Chronic stress of all types ages our body, which shows up as these changes. Have you noticed any major facial changes in yourself? If yes, drop your answers in the comments below and help other survivors feel validated and less alone in their healing journey.
Now comes the recovery part. If you have recognized these changes in your face, you must understand they are caused by muscle tension. The muscles are attached to the skin, so if you keep them tense, they leave a mark. The first step is to leave the narcissist because if you stay in that environment, your biochemistry will be messed up and nothing will make a difference if the adrenals are hyperactivated. So you have to get out first, then work on your nervous system. But when it comes to your face, you have to intentionally relax your eyebrows, smooth your eyes, and notice your jaw, as this is where we store a lot of stress. I recently talked about TMJ. If you’re clenching your jaw, intentionally drop it.
Here are two exercises to help relax your facial muscles:
- Fish Mouth Exercise: Move your mouth like a fish opening and closing, without forcing it. Open your jaw widely and then close it gently, letting the tongue rest on the floor. Breathe deeply.
- Fake Chewing Gum Exercise: Move your jaw in a circular motion as if chewing gum. This will relax the area.
To conclude, you must leave the narcissist and cut off the source of your stress for your body to activate its natural healing mechanisms. Be gentle with your body and understand its rhythm. Once you understand what your body needs, you will achieve successful somatic healing.
Sharing is caring!
