The daughter gets really angry and decides to cut off her mother completely, doesn’t respond to texts whatsoever, doesn’t talk, does nothing. Now the mother resorts to her only way of trying to establish a connection, which is to write letters. In these letters, she tries to remind the daughter of all the good things in the relationship, the nice moments, the good memories, trying to revive the positive emotions. The narcissist does not let her read these letters alone. The moment she receives them, the daughter, he sits there like the devil and talks to her, continuously brainwashing her, then picks and chooses the elements. Clearly, the mom is trying to remind her daughter of all the positive moments to convince her, “I’m not the monster. This is not as bad. I don’t understand. We have had a past, and all of a sudden, it’s gone. Please look at this. We still can have a relationship.” He says, “She is love-bombing you.” Distortion of the truth, a big lie. No basis whatsoever, no foundation whatsoever. In that moment, that illusion is cast. In that moment, he shapes the environment to make it seem like she is obsessive, she is love-bombing her, she is emotionally blackmailing her, reminding her of the past intentionally so that she keeps some form of relationship with the mother. But you and I both know that’s not the case. The mother is really desperate, and what the daughter does is instantly tears these letters into pieces, burns them, and she’s done.
After a couple of months, the mother tries to reach out to this daughter through a friend, a mutual friend, or a sibling. It could be anybody. Finally, the daughter says, “Okay, I’m fine. I can meet you.” Because the mother begs for it, says, “Please, please, okay, you don’t talk to me, but at least give me a chance. And this time, let’s have a private conversation. I deserve to have some time alone with you.” Because the mother knows she’s being brainwashed and wants to talk some sense into her and try to rebuild the relationship. But the narcissist knows, so that devil accompanies them during the entire meeting. The daughter does not get even a minute to breathe alone with the mother, let alone spending a minute with her. He is continuously putting his hand on her, on her head, on her neck, anywhere on her body. It’s like keeping a puppy on a leash, a dog on a leash. The mother-in-law requests a minute alone, “Let’s go and have a walk together.” “No, Mom, I’m not willing to talk about anything that does not include my husband. I mean, what is there to talk about? If you have to say something, just say it in front of both of us. He’s also a part of this family.” The mother loses instantly. She feels desperate but is unable to do anything about the situation.
That is how the narcissist establishes maximum control through running this propaganda, telling a big lie, using half lies to create a narrative, and by choosing and selecting these separate pieces of information and then tying them together to cast an image of the target that is untrue, thereby fooling all those who are part of the process, part of this collective gaslighting. He cleverly shapes the environment to convince his wife that her mother is narcissistic, something or somebody that she in reality is not. Anytime she tries to reach out, instead of letting her see it for what it is, a desperate attempt made by the mother to rekindle love, to reestablish a relationship, he reshapes it, twists the truth, and says, “See, this is what I’m talking about. This is what’s going on.”
He just speaks to her like a demon sitting on her shoulder. He does not allow her to think for herself. He suppresses her critical thinking, and she just becomes a host of the parasite, who she thinks is her friend, but in reality, he’s feeding off of her continuously.
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