Rationalizing Bad Behavior
Over time, they become aware that their behavior is causing problems, but they rationalize, justify, and defend it. Deep down, in a small corner of their mind, they know their actions are wrong. Sometimes, in therapy, they might admit that they can’t control themselves because it’s too uncomfortable to hold back. They know how absurd it would sound if they expressed their true thoughts: “Why can’t everyone just let me get away with what I say? I don’t really mean it; I just need to let it out. Life is unfair to me, and I always know what’s best. Why can’t everything go my way and let me have my tantrum?” They can’t openly say this, but it’s what’s happening internally.
There comes a crucial point in every narcissistic relationship when they realize that you’ve figured them out. It’s a subtle, almost imperceptible shift. You stop taking the bait, you resist the gaslighting, you gray-rock, and you no longer feel the need to defend or explain yourself. You may even carry yourself a bit taller because now you understand what’s going on. Perhaps you’re not putting yourself down as much, or you’re less anxious when they threaten to leave or talk about divorce.
How a Narcissist Liar Casts an Illusion of Truth (Hitler’s Way)
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