When a narcissist has control over you, their attack on your sense of self, self-esteem, and self-worth is very much an inside job. But when they lose control, they try to use external forces to get to you. So that’s what we’re talking about in today’s article, and I’m going to share seven things a narcissist will do when they lose control. Let’s get to it.
1. A fauxpology.
The first thing that you’ll see when they’re losing control but they think they might still be able to get to you is possibly a faux apology. Not all narcissists do this, but a lot of them do when you’re pulling away. But the faux apology is essentially a fake apology.
So, they might say something that sounds a little bit like an apology, but it’s not actually an apology. Like, ‘I’m so sorry that you’re hurting.’ That’s not an apology. Also, ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’ It can be used as a faux apology. But the most common one that you’ll see is an apology without changing behavior. And we know that that’s not really an apology at all, because if someone were sorry for the behavior they’re apologizing for, they wouldn’t do it again and again and again.
So, when you get one of these faux apologies from a narcissist, really what they’re saying is, ‘I’m sorry I got caught,’ or ‘I’m sorry I have consequences.’ ‘I’m sorry that I can’t get to you in quite the same way that I did before. And so, if I say that, maybe I can overturn all of these consequences. Maybe I can go back to getting what I want.’ From the faux apology, and sometimes alongside an apology is a hoover.
2. Hoover and discard.
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