When a narcissist is hoovering, they’re going to be on their best behavior, and it’s going to feel a lot like it did in the idealization phase. And that’s the draw. That’s what can get you, because all along you’ve been wondering where this person went. This person that you fell in love with or this person who made you feel so good about yourself—well, they’re back.
But if a narcissist really believes that they’re losing control over you, let’s say you discarded them first. This hoover is a stronger manipulation than any other. So, this will be a hoover for the purpose of discarding later. So, watch out for this. If you’ve discarded a narcissist, or if you know that you’re mostly done, and they come back and it seems like they’re giving you everything you’ve ever wanted, be cautious.
Now, this is obviously only going to work if they still have some control. If there’s a small part of you that wants them back in your life, this might work. And if it doesn’t work, they may move on to the third item on this list.
3. The chance encounter.
This chance encounter is when the narcissist plans to show up exactly where they know you’re going to be. So, this might be at church, or it might be when you’re walking your dog. If you do the same thing at the same time every day, and the narcissist knows it, they know that they can get to you by just showing up. And regardless of how you feel about them, you’re going to have an emotional reaction when you see them.
And so, even if the narcissist knows that you’re not going to fall for their tricks and that you’re not going to let them back into your life, they may still pop up with this chance encounter just because they know that they can trigger you. Their mere presence will make you feel a certain way. And it’s not good.
4. Emotional manipulation.
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