The smear campaign can start with false accusations, but it doesn’t always. Sometimes there’s a kernel of truth in there. The purpose of the smear campaign is very much to discredit you so that anything you say about the narcissist, people won’t believe you. But it’s also to get a reaction out of you. This is one that I think people don’t always see right away because when someone’s smearing your name, your instant reaction is going to be to fight it, and that’s exactly what they want.
Because the more you fight, the guiltier you look. So, if you don’t have to fight, don’t give the narcissist what they want. And there are some times when it seems like what the narcissist wants is to shut you up. It seems like they want to keep you quiet and get you out of their lives. And that can make you want to be louder, and that can make you want to fight harder. And this is all pure manipulation. They don’t want to keep you quiet. They want your fight. Don’t give it to them.
7. Threaten you.
The seventh thing a narcissist will do when they’re losing control or have already completely lost control is threaten you. And threats can take many different forms from the narcissist. And they will use whatever they can to get to you. And even if they don’t have anything, they will still threaten you. So, a narcissist might threaten you with something that happened years ago, but maybe you don’t want everyone to know about it. So, they’re going to threaten to expose you to this thing that isn’t even really relevant anymore. But the narcissist knows you’d rather not have it dredged up again.
Another way that a narcissist will threaten you is essentially by making something up. So, if they don’t have anything on you, they might just make really vague threats. That’s what this kind of manipulation does. It gets you questioning, and it gets you thinking about all the things that they could be saying and all the ‘what-ifs.’
And if there is something that could get you into trouble if it came to the surface, even if the narcissist doesn’t know it, a vague threat can strike fear in your heart. It can make you think that they know something that they don’t. I’m not saying not to take threats seriously. In my opinion, it’s always best to be safe and prepared. So, think of the worst-case scenario and how you might handle it, and use that to guide where you go next.
Another way a narcissist may threaten you is by taking something away from you. And this happens all the time in custody cases. A narcissist may threaten to fight for custody if they know that you can’t afford the battle or if they think there’s a chance they might win. And now a narcissist will do this, sadly, even if they have no interest in having custody, even if they’ve taken no interest in the children in the past.
And no matter what type of narcissist you’re dealing with, it could be a family member, a friend, a co-worker, or somebody you have kids with, but this illustrates the fact that this happens and how far a narcissist will go when they feel like they’ve lost control. Fortunately, narcissists also tend to get bored easily, and they’re going to go to the source of supply that is most fulfilling to them in the moment.
So, if you’re dealing with a narcissist who’s losing control, be sure to keep your emotional reactions in check because that is what’s going to fuel them. That’s what’s going to give them the drive to go the extra mile. And remember that even though they think very highly of themselves, they are not untouchable. And usually, they end up getting exactly what they deserve, not what they think they deserve. So, throughout all of this, focus on doing what is best for you, and don’t fall into the narcissist’s trap.
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