What does it mean to a narcissist when you go silent? What kind of message does it send? Well, in my view, it’s at the very least an excellent way to go if you’re dead serious about getting rid of them. If you actually want to rid yourself of all the pain, drama, and trauma that the narcissist brings to the table in a relationship once and for all, few things will be as effective as complete radio silence.
When it comes to losing a narcissist for good, the power of silence is often underestimated, and it can actually be your best friend and most powerful weapon, as well as a very effective self-care strategy. Make no mistake, friends, choosing not to engage with a toxic person is an act of self-love and self-care. Not always easy, I know, but when you are able, more often than not, it will be your best bet.
And keep in mind that when we’re talking about people who land on the spectrum of destructive narcissism, we are quite literally talking about people who are energy vampires. That’s fundamentally what’s going on when you’re enmeshed in or working to break free from a relationship with a narcissistic person. And this is never more true than when you’re an empath with little to no codependency recovery under your belt. You feel completely drained and depleted. And quite frankly, it’s because you are.
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The reality is narcissistic people thrive on intensity, drama, and emotional chaos, as well as your fear, pain, anxiety, confusion, and discomfort, which is precisely why they smirk with such smug satisfaction anytime they succeed in upsetting you. When they know they can affect you this way, you’re a good target, an excellent source of narcissistic supply. And what ensues is fully vampiric behavior.
Narcissists will poke, provoke, and deliberately bait you, whether passively or aggressively, to elicit an emotional reaction so they can then literally feed off that negative emotional energy. They’ll go out of their way to manufacture an intense, high-voltage reaction if you let them, and then proceed to feed off your reactivity just like a demonic entity would.
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So, just like the demonic feeds off the pain and suffering of the human race, and quite frankly, other sentient beings as well, destructive narcissists operate in the very same way. And let’s not kid ourselves—there is a connection, friends.
People who go through life deliberately committing serious relationship crimes—again, no matter how passively or aggressively that might be—going out of their way to bait and provoke, going out of their way to upset you, going out of their way to cause you discomfort, harm, or serious pain while stirring up all manner of chaos, trauma, and drama so they can then literally siphon the vital life force from your very being. This kind of thinking and behavior is not only a clear indication of a person having high narcissistic traits, it is fully demonstrative of a destructive narcissist’s personality pattern. And this includes, by the way, their astonishing sense of entitlement and colossal lack of empathy.
So with all of that said, suffice it to say, when you go silent on a narcissist—and not in a passive-aggressive, game-playing, attention-seeking way like the narcissist uses the silent treatment to punish, manipulate, control, or hurt you—I don’t mean like that. What I mean is when you go silent from a place of absolute certainty and clarity, or as close to it as you can manage, even if that’s simply sheer determination to finally choose better for yourself. When you go silent from a place of courage, confidence, and strength, and clearly communicate in that way that the narcissist is absolutely insignificant and is of no consequence to you. When you have that kind of attitude, when you go silent from that place with solid boundaries in place, completely certain, in a way that communicates that there is no narcissistic supply to be had here.
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When you go silent in that way and have absolute dominion over your emotional state, sovereign in who you are—calm, cool, collected, and detached—again, sending a message that says there is nothing to be had here. And you hold that posture consistently, reliably, and predictably for an extended period of time, what you are doing is quite literally starving the narcissist to death emotionally and energetically. You are quite literally starving them of the one thing they need to feel alive—significant. What they require to know that they matter in some way, in any way, to you.
You starve them out, you starve them of what they’ve been feeding off—your vital life force energy—until you finally decide it’s time to take better care of yourself and cut off their source of supply.
Now, when you’re able to sustain this posture of silence for a period of time, it’s game over. Maybe not immediately, but the longer and more consistently you hold the line, the longer you give them nothing—not a word or reaction—the sooner they will be forced to go elsewhere to get their sick needs met, and you’ll be left in peace, which is what you want, right? I promise you, you don’t need the last word. You don’t need to be right. You’re not going to get through to them no matter what you say. Furthermore, and perhaps most importantly for you to understand, is that they are not going to change.
So, if what you’re after is peace, if what you ultimately want is happy, healthy, loving relationships with good, kind people who do not feel entitled to hurt you and then blame you for the hurt they cause, silence is absolutely the fastest way to get there. That, and committing to your own healing and recovery work, so you stop repeating this pattern. That is what gets the job done and changes the game for good.
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The Power of Communication
Here’s the thing: Few things are more powerful than treating a narcissist as if they are literally dead to you. Literally. They do not matter. They don’t even exist. You don’t see them. They’re not on your radar. You’re busy living your life, taking good care of yourself, meeting your own needs in healthy ways, with healthy and sane others. And you have no time, zero time, for the nonsense. Literally cut and cauterize so they can no longer exploit you emotionally, energetically, or otherwise, which forces them to have to go elsewhere to get their fix.
And again, the good news about this is they leave you in peace—maybe not right away, but certainly soon enough once they realize there is no longer anything to be had from you. And the truth is, they may circle back for a while to test the waters and figure out just how serious you are, check back in to see if you’re suffering from codependent amnesia, and whether or not they can worm their way back into your life and suck you back into the abuse cycle one more time. In other words, you may have to communicate, “You’re dead to me,” that stance, repeatedly before they start taking you seriously and go find another target.
But I promise you this: Treating a narcissist to a healthy dose of “I don’t even see you, you don’t matter one iota to me,” communicating that they are completely and utterly insignificant to you, is absolutely the fastest way to be rid of them. And I know this is a tough thing for those of you who are still in people-pleasing, approval-seeking mode. I spent many years there myself, so I get it. Before doing our own healing and recovery work, this can be hard, particularly if we’re caught up in trying to get our needs met from people who fully do not have what it takes to meet those needs. People who do not have any genuine love, validation, or approval to give. People who are an emotional and energetic match to our unresolved wounding and trauma.
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And of course, as full-blown empaths, we want to be nice, polite, kind, loving, and compassionate people. And from a place of untreated codependency, we’ll often be those things to our own detriment, forgetting that we are our number one responsibility and priority.
So, how about we pour some love and care onto ourselves first? How about we spend some time loving and respecting ourselves first? What if we were to do that first? And while we’re doing that, how about we remember who and what it is that we’re dealing with when we’re talking about lying, deceiving, highly manipulative individuals who land on the
spectrum of destructive narcissism? These are people who exploit, hurt, and harm for fun. They hurt people on purpose. They harm others for sport and pleasure. These are people who are so pathologically entitled, grandiose, and lacking in empathy that they will gaslight, manipulate, and psychologically and emotionally abuse you, as well as lie to you in the same way that you and I brush our teeth—it’s just how they roll. They don’t give it a second thought, which is why they always have that smirk on their face when you catch them.
They’re not sorry, they never will be, and they don’t care what you think. They care only that you continue to play the game of pain. Their only goal is to win at any cost and to exploit your pain to get their sick needs met. They lack the emotional and moral development required to experience true empathy, to hold themselves accountable, or to have a conscience. And none of this is your fault.
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So, if you want peace, if you want the abuse to stop, if you want your life back, then a healthy dose of silence may just be the medicine you need. But here’s the catch: You’re going to have to work on your own healing and recovery as well to ensure that the pattern never repeats. No narcissist is ever going to change—no matter what. But with the right kind of support and commitment, you absolutely can. Silence, detachment, and emotional non-reactivity, coupled with self-love and solid boundaries, will set you free.
And if you want to learn more about how to recognize destructive narcissism when it’s at play in your relationships, as well as how to heal from narcissistic abuse, you might want to check out this playlist right here.
Alright, so that is my take on what it means to a narcissist when you go silent. What do you think? Did I leave anything out? Let me know in the comments below.
And if you’d like to learn more about how you can work with me, there’s a link to that in the description below. And don’t forget to grab your free gift!
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