When you go silent in that way and have absolute dominion over your emotional state, sovereign in who you are—calm, cool, collected, and detached—again, sending a message that says there is nothing to be had here. And you hold that posture consistently, reliably, and predictably for an extended period of time, what you are doing is quite literally starving the narcissist to death emotionally and energetically. You are quite literally starving them of the one thing they need to feel alive—significant. What they require to know that they matter in some way, in any way, to you.
You starve them out, you starve them of what they’ve been feeding off—your vital life force energy—until you finally decide it’s time to take better care of yourself and cut off their source of supply.
Now, when you’re able to sustain this posture of silence for a period of time, it’s game over. Maybe not immediately, but the longer and more consistently you hold the line, the longer you give them nothing—not a word or reaction—the sooner they will be forced to go elsewhere to get their sick needs met, and you’ll be left in peace, which is what you want, right? I promise you, you don’t need the last word. You don’t need to be right. You’re not going to get through to them no matter what you say. Furthermore, and perhaps most importantly for you to understand, is that they are not going to change.
So, if what you’re after is peace, if what you ultimately want is happy, healthy, loving relationships with good, kind people who do not feel entitled to hurt you and then blame you for the hurt they cause, silence is absolutely the fastest way to get there. That, and committing to your own healing and recovery work, so you stop repeating this pattern. That is what gets the job done and changes the game for good.
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