Today, I want to talk about why a narcissist can never forget you. Once you have interacted with a narcissist on a personal level, it is nearly impossible for them to forget you, or for you to forget them. They tend to leave an indelible impression on the lives of those who dared to love them and those who were raised by them.
Although many of us would prefer to forget them completely if we could, the narcissist actually prefers not to forget—especially if you were a major source of narcissistic supply or if you caused a narcissistic injury. Narcissistic supply refers to the attention, admiration, validation, and power that the narcissist derives from those around them. On the other hand, a narcissistic injury occurs when someone offends the narcissist to the extent that it overwhelms their defense mechanisms and devastates their pride. Simply put, bruising the narcissist’s ego will cause a narcissistic injury. For more information on how this happens, please see this video.
But at the end of the day, you do not need to do much to offend a narcissist, as they are very petty and insecure. So, whether you were really good or really bad to the narcissist, it doesn’t matter—they will not want to forget you, and today I will explain why. What is it that makes you so unforgettable to a narcissist? This might also explain why they haven’t given up on you yet.
Life-long Grudges
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One of the first things to note is that they hold grudges forever. Narcissists cannot forget someone who has grieved them or caused a narcissistic injury. They will forever be hoping for an opportunity for revenge and will not be able to get you out of their mind, even if you are no longer around. If given the opportunity, the narcissist is willing to love-bomb you and make you feel like all is well, when in reality, all they want is revenge. If you have exposed a narcissist, embarrassed them, or even discarded them first, these actions can make you unforgettable to them and leave them yearning for revenge. And a narcissist never stops seeking revenge.
Super Benefits
Another reason why the narcissist won’t be able to forget someone is if that person was a major ego boost—someone who validated them, made them feel important, or gave them opportunities they couldn’t have had on their own. Reminiscing about these times fuels the narcissist’s fake sense of self, just knowing that once upon a time, this person admired them or validated them. This really boosts their ego. That person either validated their narrative of being the hero or the victim, and just remembering these interactions reinforces this narrative in the narcissist’s mind. But of course, the narcissist does not miss the person—they miss the benefits they gained from having that person in their life.
Tables Turned
The final reason a narcissist can’t forget someone is due to a lack of closure. Lack of closure is a double-edged sword. It leaves the victim unsettled and sometimes unable to move on, but it can also keep you at the forefront of the narcissist’s mind. This happens because the narcissist tends to discard people abruptly and harshly, thinking that these people will either crawl back or wait around for them. But when this doesn’t happen, and the person moves on with their life and goes no contact, the narcissist is left feeling dumbfounded and wondering what went wrong. The lack of closure that they initiated to manipulate you and keep you stuck has now come back to bite them. Once you understand and accept that a narcissist will never give you closure, the sooner you can let go and move on with your life.
Responding to the Narcissist
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To conclude, it is usually due to a narcissistic injury or narcissistic supply that a narcissist is unlikely to forget someone. Ideally, most of us would like them to move on and never seek us out or contact us again, but the best thing we can do is not respond or continue to ignore them if they ever do. If children are involved and you cannot go no contact, knowing how to deal with them in these situations is important. I have done a video on how to starve the narcissist by not allowing them to use you as a source of narcissistic supply. There will be a link to this video on your screen now and in the description box below.
Remember, even though we cannot control the narcissist or make them forget about us, we can control how we respond to them.
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