If you have a narcissist in your life, I do not doubt that you are feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, confused, manipulated, and tired of the constant scheming. So, I have some tactics to share today to help you be at ease—well, maybe not at ease, but perhaps more at peace in your relationship with the narcissist. These are tactics that can definitely help you navigate the relationship more successfully, whether the narcissist is a parent, friend, co-worker, or partner sibling. Let’s go through the five tips.
1. Accept that they are unlikely to change:
This is the first and most important step. Many of you know me, and you know I was a psychotherapist for 20 years, helping people with boundaries, difficult relationships, and anxiety. One of my clients once told me that she had been advised, when going on a date, to put ‘as is’ on the person’s forehead. This advice, though not uncommon, is particularly relevant when dealing with a narcissist. Put ‘as is’ on their forehead, recognizing that if they have a personality disorder, it’s pervasive and enduring—unlikely to change.
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2. Don’t take anything personally:
The Narcissist will compliment you and make you feel good when it’s in their interest. They will criticize you, demean you, and belittle you when it’s in their interest. It really has nothing to do with you. So, don’t take anything personally. The Narcissist will project onto you what they feel about themselves, so don’t take the good stuff or the bad stuff personally.
3. Protect yourself:
When in a relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder, use boundaries to protect yourself. Remember that boundaries may not change their behavior, but you can use them to protect yourself emotionally, physically, legally, and financially. Don’t expect the narcissist to acknowledge that your boundaries are healthy or worthwhile. With a narcissist, boundaries may need to be extreme to shield yourself from their manipulations.
4. Believe Behavior, not words:
A counselor once told me, ‘Believe Behavior, not words.’ A narcissist knows how to manipulate with words, promising change and a better future, but there’s often no follow-through. Put more importance on the behavior you see rather than the words you hear. This principle applies to everyone, but it’s crucial when dealing with a narcissist.
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5. Validate your own needs:
Do not look to the narcissist to validate your feelings. Instead, validate your emotions for yourself and shift your focus to a support system that acknowledges your needs, desires, and wants. It’s a crucial step towards healing, as seeking validation from a narcissist is often futile.
In conclusion, these five strategies offer a roadmap for navigating relationships with narcissists more effectively. Accepting them “as is” sets a realistic foundation, while not taking their words personally builds emotional resilience. Establishing strong boundaries becomes crucial for self-protection, and prioritizing behavior over words prevents confusion. Finally, validating your own needs is a crucial step toward healing, shifting focus from seeking validation from a narcissist to a supportive network. Together, these strategies empower you to maintain control, preserve well-being, and navigate the complexities of narcissistic relationships with greater ease.
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