When you’re in a relationship with narcissists, everything’s always about the narcissist. Isn’t it? It’s confusing and exhausting. And when you finally get it together, and you get out of there, or unfortunately they leave you, either way, you start feeling like -Oh! my gosh, I’m finally gonna be able to take the steps I need to really get my life in order and make it what I want to be. Right?
But no – narcissists don’t allow that to happen, not very easily anyway.
It’s extremely difficult to even get to the stage of establishing no contact with the narcissist and even maintaining it. And this is because we all know how highly manipulative narcissists are, and what all sorts of hoovering tactics they are willing to use, just to suck you back into their vicious abusive circle. A narcissist will do anything to get you to break no contact.
But here’s the good news. If you take the time to understand how all that works, understand the patterns, understand the behaviors, and know what to expect, you might get through it a little easier. That’s exactly what we’re talking about in today’s article. So let’s get started.
1. Launching smear campaigns
So the very first thing that a narcissist will do when you go no contact is launch smear campaigns. Narcissists hate rejection and cannot deal with rejection of any kind. So by you cutting off their narcissistic supply and going no contact, the narcissist has been rejected, which causes a narcissistic injury. And now, they have to make you pay by smearing you to other people and making you look bad.
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They will tell anyone and everyone who will listen how terrible you are, and they will lie, they will gossip, project, and make up all kinds of stories that aren’t true, just to get people to believe them play the victim, and be on their side.
2. The narcissist will contact you about random things
Narcissists will do whatever it takes just to check if you are still hooked on them. They will ask you unimportant things just to be a bit more present.
Narcissists don’t like to lose, and they won’t just make peace with the fact that you discarded or rejected them. They won’t give up their narcissistic supply that easily. You have to stay strong in these situations because they will come back and ask questions or indicate that they are dating someone else when they’re actually not.
The narcissist will do this to see if you’ll be triggered and if they can get a reaction out of you. And if they can get a reaction out of you, then the narcissist knows that you are still hooked on them and that they have an easy way back into your life.
Do not react to these provocations. Don’t engage and maintain no contact because if you do, you’ll find yourself seeking answers, trying to get them to take responsibility, and the result of all of this will be you getting hurt once again.
3. False apologies
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The narcissist will send you gifts, texts, emails, cards, or even call you pretending to take responsibility and promise to change, saying how sorry they are. Don’t fall for it. A narcissist would do pretty much anything to get you back into the cycle of abuse.
The narcissist is only pretending to accept and reconcile, and they will lead a long and deep conversation with you and trying to find out what went wrong in their life to cause them to behave the way they do. Don’t fall for these classic narcissistic tactics and lies. The narcissist is only saying this to get you to think that they have changed so that you will take them back.
It can be so hard to resist this because you think that finally, the narcissist has changed. Finally, the narcissist has realized all the things you’ve been saying for so long. And before you know it, you’re right back to square one, right back in the cycle of abuse.
4. The narcissist will attempt to Hoover you
Hoovering is a classic narcissistic maneuver. It’s a classic narcissistic tactic because it’s all about when and getting their supply back. It has nothing to do with love or missing you.
When you go no contact with the narcissist, they’re going to Hoover you even more, even if the narcissist discarded you, they will still Hoover you, but especially, if you discarded them. Because the narcissist is desperate to regain power and control and get you back into that toxic relationship with them. It’s all a game to the narcissist.
5. Stalking
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When you go no contact with a narcissist, this is very common. A narcissist will stalk you when you go no contact, especially the narcissist on the higher end of the spectrum, “the more malignant types of narcissists”.
Malignant narcissists are very persistent with their victims, and they will not leave you alone because they are obsessed with the steady stream of supply that you used to give them. You left the narcissist completely blindsided by going no contact.
The narcissist will perceive you going no contact as abandonment, rather than a way to secure your peace and sanity and heal from their abuse. It’s a game for narcissists. It’s all about winning, power, and control.
6. Guilt-trip you
Be prepared for the narcissus to guilt-trip you by exploiting your sympathy and compassion by playing the victim.
The narcissist will come up with all kinds of bad things that happen to them. For example, the narcissist will lie and say that they lost their job or that they are sick in the hospital dying of cancer… etc. If the narcissist can make you feel sorry for them, then they know that they still have a chance.
The narcissist knows that you are a compassionate person by nature as an impact. That is one of the reasons why impacts attract narcissists due to their empathy and sympathy, and their willingness to help others. Narcissists will exploit that in any way they can.
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Narcissists will try to evoke sympathy out of you to hook you back. As empaths, it’s hard to resist not helping someone you once loved, even if that person treated you poorly. If you are that kind of person, you will fall prey. You will fall into the trap of the narcissist very easily, and you have to be really strong and do not fall for the trap. There is nothing in it for you except more pain and abuse.
You have to confront yourself and realize that you are not responsible for helping or healing every single person who is broken. If the narcissist really needs help, they will find someone else to provide it for them. And whether this is true or not, you should stay away from the narcissist if you want to truly heal, get better, and move on with your life and thrive.
Stay no contact. Never go back to a narcissist and stay safe, because narcissists can become violent and dangerous when they realize it’s over and reality sinks in that they have been rejected. They do not take rejection well. So be careful, even if you let the narcissist down easily.
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