Let’s face it: it’s not difficult for a narcissist to lose their mind. The reason for this is that their threshold for frustration tolerance and ability to regulate stress, failure, rejection, or disappointment is very low. And let’s not forget that narcissists are deeply insecure people whose grandiose self-presentation doesn’t match the reality of their qualities, abilities, and achievements. Even a little reminder of this can cause them to experience something known as narcissistic injury, which makes them spiral out of control, often targeting the person who reminded them of their deficits or tried to hold them accountable for their actions.
We would never advocate provoking narcissists or intentionally hurting them, but you should be aware of the things that can make them show their true colors. In today’s video, we will be counting down 10 things that could make any narcissist completely lose their mind.
Number 10: Taking Responsibility
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Requiring a narcissist to take responsibility for their actions is a significant trigger. People with narcissistic personality styles are notorious for avoiding responsibility for their own behavior at all costs, especially when that behavior signals their incompetence or dysfunction in any area of their lives. The underlying cause of this avoidance is their low self-esteem and fragile egos, which they try to overcompensate for with grandiosity and entitled behavior. If they were to admit that they were wrong, they would also have to admit that they are ordinary people who make mistakes—a stance that conflicts with their desire to maintain an image of superiority over others. This constant maneuvering to avoid responsibility requires a lot of effort and drains their already fragile egos, leading them to use maladaptive defense mechanisms and coping strategies such as denial, rationalization, blame-shifting, deflection, and scapegoating.
Number 9: Denying Them Instant Gratification
Denying narcissists instant gratification can be incredibly frustrating for them. According to a paper published by psychologists Simine Vazire and David C. Funder in the Personality and Social Psychology Review, one of the key traits of narcissistic personalities is impulsivity. The authors argue, based on extensive meta-analysis, that narcissists almost always prioritize immediate gratification, especially in areas that serve their so-called ego enhancement strategies, such as social status, social recognition, and short-term positive emotions, over their long-term goals. What will really make a narcissist angry is denying them instant pleasure in those domains, which they believe they deserve by default.
Number 8: Calling Them Out
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Calling a narcissist out on their inappropriate behavior is another trigger. Narcissists really dislike criticism, especially if it’s merited and well-deserved, because it evokes one of the most difficult emotions for them to process: shame. According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, calling out a narcissistic person on their behavior, particularly in front of others, can fill them with shame, resulting in anger, deflection, blame-shifting, and endless tirades about how they are being victimized. However, as Dr. Durvasula notes, calling them out on their egocentric, entitled, aggressive, or passive-aggressive behavior is unlikely to result in any change, especially if done in private, because narcissists are not likely to listen to anything that threatens their ego.
Number 7: Pinging Their Insecurities
Pointing out a narcissist’s particular insecurity can also provoke a strong reaction. The more grandiose a narcissist’s defenses are, the more insecure they are likely to be at their core. They may be insecure about their looks, intelligence, status, money, popularity, or any other area of life judged by superficial standards. Since narcissists are completely fixated on manifestations of these superficial qualities, they can easily enter into a shame-based rage fit if you point out their deficits in these areas. While more benign narcissists might be vapid and superficial, the more malignant types can be psychologically or physically dangerous, which is why it is advisable not to provoke them.
Number 6: Not Arguing With Them
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Refusing to argue with a narcissist or explain yourself to them can drive them crazy. Narcissistic people are antagonistic by nature; they thrive on conflict and chaos. Most people are not built for conflict and are reasonably agreeable, but narcissists are notoriously disagreeable. Their focus is to obtain narcissistic supply by any means. While they may enjoy positive supply like admiration and compliments, if they run out of it or get bored, they will actively start testing limits with those around them by intentionally pushing buttons to provoke negative supply—conflict, arguments, and chaos. If you restrict their supply by not engaging in arguments, they might completely lose their minds because they are not getting the one thing they crave most: attention. It’s important to note that this doesn’t apply to reasoned, respectful arguments that are part of every healthy relationship and help resolve conflicts in a civilized manner.
Number 5: Implying They May Need Professional Help
Merely suggesting that a highly antagonistic narcissist may need professional help can cause tremendous rage. They may respond with endless denials, projections, and gaslighting. They might insinuate or openly accuse the person who suggested it of needing professional help, deny having done anything that would merit such an evaluation, or accuse the person of trying to get rid of them by implying they are insane.
Number 4: Setting Firm Boundaries
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Setting firm boundaries is one of the best ways to cope with a narcissist’s never-ending manipulation tactics, but it is also something that will infuriate them. Narcissists expect relationships to be one-way streets, where they enjoy endless freedom with zero responsibility or accountability while the other person tolerates their constant boundary violations. Since they objectify people and view them as disposable sources of attention, narcissistic supply, they are likely to react poorly to strict boundaries that they are not allowed to regularly cross.
Number 3: Implying They May Lose Power and Control in the Relationship
If a narcissist senses that the other person in the relationship may be tired of constant manipulation and lies and is ready to do something about it, they won’t be happy. The narcissist’s thought process in this case can be boiled down to this sentiment: “If anyone is going to set the rules or end the relationship, it is going to be me.” They intensely dislike the idea that the other person is also a human being with agency and can cut off their source of narcissistic supply at any time. As a result, they may resort to doubling down on manipulation or lying, making false promises to change, offering insincere apologies, or ending the relationship themselves to prove that they are in control, even when the relationship is ending.
Number 2: Leaving Them
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This point ties in with the previous one. Narcissists do not like being left or broken up with. While a healthy person may genuinely grieve the loss of their partner, with all their unique strengths and flaws, a narcissist simply cannot tolerate the idea of losing control by being broken up with. This once again evokes their shame and fear of losing an “object”—their partner—from which they can extract narcissistic supply in any shape or form.
Number 1: Having Their Deficits Publicly Exposed
Narcissists have one primary objective: to protect their hypersensitive egos. Their inflated sense of importance, egotistical behavior, impaired empathy, and grandiosity are all part of their strategy to protect that ego. For a narcissist, there is no greater ego breach than being publicly humiliated by having their deficits exposed to others. This creates a lot of psychological distress and cognitive dissonance. Even the smallest public indication that they might not be who they want to be—a high-status person—can cause them to react in ways that would seem completely out of proportion to most people. This constant fear of having their weaknesses publicly visible is what impedes their ability to learn from their mistakes and dedicate themselves to self-growth.
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