This point ties in with the previous one. Narcissists do not like being left or broken up with. While a healthy person may genuinely grieve the loss of their partner, with all their unique strengths and flaws, a narcissist simply cannot tolerate the idea of losing control by being broken up with. This once again evokes their shame and fear of losing an “object”—their partner—from which they can extract narcissistic supply in any shape or form.
Number 1: Having Their Deficits Publicly Exposed
Narcissists have one primary objective: to protect their hypersensitive egos. Their inflated sense of importance, egotistical behavior, impaired empathy, and grandiosity are all part of their strategy to protect that ego. For a narcissist, there is no greater ego breach than being publicly humiliated by having their deficits exposed to others. This creates a lot of psychological distress and cognitive dissonance. Even the smallest public indication that they might not be who they want to be—a high-status person—can cause them to react in ways that would seem completely out of proportion to most people. This constant fear of having their weaknesses publicly visible is what impedes their ability to learn from their mistakes and dedicate themselves to self-growth.
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