It is completely wrong to say that a narcissistic relationship begins with love; it does not. It begins with predatory testing. Before choosing you as their primary source of supply, a narcissist thoroughly tests you for qualities like compassion, kindness, acceptance, forgiveness, empathy, and so on. They also look for your past trauma. They want to know if you have wounds or patterns, like people-pleasing, that can be weaponized against you. But how do they test people? What do they do? Let’s find out in today’s article.
1. Boundary Testing: Disrespectful Comments
They will make a disrespectful comment about something small, like your job, money, car, shoes, dress, kids, work, family, or friends. It won’t be too big—just something insignificant that most people would ignore. However, their intention is to test your boundaries. They want to see your bodily reactions. If you’re a people pleaser, you will absorb it and start trying to be nice to them to avoid being abandoned, left, or rejected because of your perceived flaws. Predators will observe your silence. If you don’t say anything, they will perceive your silence as permission to abuse you further. They might insult you in a joking way, saying, “We’re just kidding!” If you react, they may call you crazy or apologize, realizing you cannot be played with. This is why you must not tolerate any disrespectful behavior, no matter the intention. If they comment on something personal, like your appearance or possessions, they are testing how deep they can go.
2. Manipulation Through Change
Narcissists Will Lose their Minds if You Do These 10 Things
Sharing is caring!
2. Manipulation Through Change
They will try to change something about you. For example, if you’re wearing a nice dress, they might say it doesn’t look good on you and offer to buy you a new one. However, when you go shopping, they won’t ask for your input. They’ll choose the dress for you and then get rid of your old one right in front of your eyes, leaving you in complete shock. This antisocial behavior is intentional—they want to see how much you can tolerate and how willing you are to change for them. They want people who stay silent, maybe out of respect or obligation. They will close the chapter, never to be opened again, and qualify you as their primary source of supply. This is why you should see it as a red flag when someone tries to change something about you that makes you uncomfortable.
3. Compliments as a Tool for Control
This one might sound counterintuitive—they will compliment you to test how you take compliments. Most of us are humble, downplaying compliments instead of acknowledging them, due to programming that tells us we must be humble and polite. Narcissists want you to say, “Oh, it’s not that good.” They want you to be shy, to see if you will run away from your own qualities. If you do, they know you lack confidence and a strong connection with your authentic self, which can be exploited. They also want to see if they can make you depend on their feedback. If you are deeply affected by their compliments, imagine how devastating their criticism could be. That’s how they maintain control—the more you feel bad and guilty, the easier it becomes for them to have power over you.
6 Major Things Narcissists Do When You Go No Contact
4. Creating Fake Crises
Sharing is caring!
4. Creating Fake Crises
They will ask you to do something most people wouldn’t do, often by creating a fake crisis. For example, they might claim they need $10,000 immediately because their child is in the ICU. Of course, you would want to help. After you give them money, they will create similar emergencies repeatedly to establish a pattern and see how much you can give, assessing your tendency to sacrifice yourself. They want to know if you can abandon yourself for them. While giving and empathy are positive traits, if your trauma has made you overly giving, they will exploit this. By creating these emergencies, they gauge how much they can extract from you.
5. The Sob Story Tactic
They will tell you a sad story about their past to see how you react. They want someone empathetic to say, “It’s okay, I’ll fix it for you.” They will talk about their crazy exes, deceased parents, abandoned friends—anything to create a sense of obligation in you to treat them well. They will turn you into a fixer, and if you unconsciously take on that responsibility, you will be chosen as their primary source of supply, which is, of course, not a good thing.
Never Argue With A Narcissist do this instead.
Sharing is caring!
