The second dynamic is that you are the new supply. They do not talk about being in touch with their old supply, but they still have this old supply in their life. You are acquired as a new form of fuel, a source that can provide the narcissistic supply they require to survive. This old supply might be an ex-partner who hasn’t been fully cut off. What does that mean? It could be a wife or husband they haven’t fully divorced yet—they’re still in touch, still living together, as if they are together, even though they’re not. It’s very complicated to understand.
As the new supply, if you ask them about this, wondering why they haven’t divorced yet, they might say, “Well, I respect them. We still share a deep connection. They’re my friend. We’re doing it for the sake of the children,” or other such excuses. Narcissists never run out of excuses, and trusting them, you may think they have positive intentions and believe them. But as time passes, you’ll eventually find out that their relationship is nauseating, that something terrible is happening, but you can’t quite pinpoint it. You can’t call them out because the moment you do, they give you the silent treatment, create comparisons, and say things like, “See, this is why I’m still in touch with them. This is why I haven’t fully divorced them—they’re not like you. They’re not sensitive like you. They’re not needy like you. They’re not crazy like you. You’re overthinking, projecting your own traumas and issues onto this relationship, which is why I never wanted to get serious with you.”
They scare you because you feel instantly replaced. They make you feel as if you’re about to be abandoned, or they might literally abandon you, giving you the silent treatment, cutting you off, and ignoring you. To add fuel to the fire, they start posting pictures of themselves with the old supply all over the internet, having a great time with their children. It never seems like the family is broken; it feels like everything is together. And as crazy as this might sound, the old supply may still be enabling the narcissist’s behavior, as if they don’t care if it’s right or wrong—they just stay. Often, money is involved in these cases, and the financial benefits the old supply receives may be much larger than what they could gain from a separation, so they stay selfishly and let the narcissist do whatever they want.
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