7 Things Narcissists Do When They’re Alone

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What do narcissists do when they’re alone? Emotionally, narcissists are constantly walking a tightrope, trying to balance their shaky self-esteem. What stabilizes them is receiving a lot of external validation, while any perceived criticism makes them lose their sense of stability. For this reason, narcissists find it very hard to be alone, and when they are, they’re constantly hunting for new sources of supply. In today’s video, I’m going to talk about the seven things narcissists do when they’re alone. Please stick around until the end of this video to find out what they are not doing.

1: Supply is Like Oxygen

Understand that for a narcissist, supply is like oxygen. They need a constant source of supply to survive, which is why they have such a need to control their sources of supply. Imagine being a scuba diver about to go on a deep dive — you’d check and double-check your oxygen supply to ensure you have enough to safely complete the dive. This is what it’s like for a narcissist. Narcissistic supply refers to the admiration and validation that narcissists need to maintain their inflated self-image and sense of self-worth. If they don’t get enough, they feel insecure, irrelevant, small, weak, vulnerable, and extremely ashamed. So, they are almost always fantasizing about or striving to achieve the success, power, beauty, brilliance, wealth, or ideal love they believe will actually make them worthy.

2: Self-Admiration

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Narcissists spend a significant amount of time thinking about themselves and their accomplishments, and when they are alone, they may engage in activities that feed their ego. They fantasize about success, replay past achievements, and indulge in grandiose fantasies about obtaining something or someone that will make them feel happy and worthy of everyone’s admiration. While engaging in self-admiration, they often reach out to others via text or phone to brag and get external validation.

3: Social Media

When a narcissist is alone, social media tends to be their best way to hunt for supply. They may spend time on social media platforms for self-promotion, seeking validation, compliments, and praise. They frequently post content highlighting their accomplishments or material possessions to affirm their self-worth. Narcissists may message people, flirt, love bomb, or fish for compliments. They may leave comments on posts to draw attention to themselves, create chaos or drama, or even insult others to assert their dominance and boost their ego. However, social media can also fuel their insecurities as they become envious of others showcasing their perfect lives.

4: Planning & Scheming

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When alone, narcissists may meticulously plan and scheme ways to manipulate others to maintain control and uphold their image of superiority. They may strategize on how to exploit vulnerabilities in relationships to get sympathy or revenge on those they perceive have harmed them. Planning their image and how to make a big impression at social events, they may strategize conversations to appear more intelligent and successful, or create drama to stay the center of attention. If any part of their plan fails, they may get upset and behave erratically.

5: Ruminating

Narcissists often ruminate when they are alone, replaying conversations or interactions that reinforce their self-image as superior, successful, or admired. They might dwell on compliments they received or moments where they asserted dominance. They also fixate on perceived slights, but they often reinterpret situations to minimize their flaws and place the blame on others.

6: Triangulating by Text

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While alone, narcissists may be on their phone, creating conflict and competition between others to gain control and boost their self-image. Triangulation involves comparing one person with another to isolate, gaslight, and manipulate people. By creating division among others, narcissists make them more susceptible to their manipulations.

7: Reckless or Impulsive Behaviors

Narcissists often feel shame when left alone with their thoughts. To cope, they may engage in reckless behaviors, such as substance abuse, excessive shopping, or promiscuity, seeking instant gratification to distract from emotional discomfort.

8: Hoovering Old Sources of Supply

If narcissists can’t find new sources of supply or don’t want to make the effort, they reach out to old sources, such as exes who haven’t fully cut them off. These individuals become a convenient backup for quick validation whenever the narcissist’s supply runs low.

Finally, one thing narcissists don’t do is face reality or their feelings of shame. Most of their time is spent distracting themselves from their shameful, empty inner reality by using others to maintain their delusions. If you’re constantly seeking external validation and suspect you may have narcissistic personality disorder, consider reaching out to a therapist who can help you manage your symptoms and emotions.

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