7 Toxic Texting Habits of Narcissists

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Narcissists will do whatever it takes to maintain control over their sources of supply at all times. They are grooming new sources, hoovering old sources, and, of course, messing with the minds of their current sources of supply. Nowadays, a lot of narcissist manipulations are done by text.

1: Love Bombing

Love bombing is a classic manipulation tactic used by narcissists and other toxic people at the start of a relationship. This is when they bombard you with extreme displays of attention and affection—amazing sex, gifts, promises to make your life better. They act caring, compassionate, and charismatic, making you feel truly seen and special. You might feel like you’re on top of the world, but the reality is you’re being reeled into a toxic game. If you’re not physically present with the narcissist, they will maintain almost constant communication online, often with intense proclamations of their love for you. Over time, you may realize that these promises and declarations are not unique—they are part of a repeated pattern.

2: Lots of Sexting

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A narcissist may start sexting you almost immediately, which is a red flag when trust and respect haven’t been established. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with sexting, a narcissist does it for three reasons: to use you for sex, to get you addicted to them, and possibly to gather material to manipulate or blackmail you later. Sexting can hijack your brain chemistry, getting you hooked on their texts. However, once the love-bombing phase ends, this constant attention often stops abruptly.

3: Intermittent Ghosting

This behavior starts when the narcissist loses interest. You go from constant, intense texting to being left on read, often with vague excuses like being busy. They gaslight you into thinking you’re overreacting when you express concern. This pattern of ghosting can create anxiety and withdrawal symptoms, making you question what you did wrong and driving you to seek their attention again.

4: Demanding Urgent Texts

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After ignoring you for hours, a narcissist might suddenly bombard you with urgent messages like, “Call me now!” When you respond, they’ll be offended that you made them wait, even though the situation was far from urgent. They feel entitled to leave you hanging, but expect you to respond immediately to them.

5: Random Heartfelt Conversations

After ghosting you for a few days, a narcissist may suddenly start a heartfelt conversation, giving excuses for their absence and showering you with praise. These conversations may make you feel close again, but soon after, they return to their cold behavior. This hot-and-cold dynamic creates confusion and strengthens the trauma bond, leading you to believe that you can “rescue” them with your love.

6: Nonsensical Texts

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Sometimes, a narcissist will send texts that make no sense—full of spelling mistakes or completely incoherent. When you ask for clarification, they treat you like an idiot. This tactic is meant to confuse you, provoke a reaction, or assert dominance. Another common tactic is sending a “wrong person” text to upset you.

7: Mixed Messages

You may receive a text that says something like, “Our relationship is over. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, but we want different things. I wish you peace and happiness.” These mixed messages are designed to confuse you and keep you emotionally hooked.

Keep in mind that not all narcissists use these tactics all the time, but when they do, it’s about control, fear of rejection, and abandonment. If you find yourself waiting for their breadcrumbs of attention, you may be allowing yourself to be used for their convenience. In this case, consider talking to a mental health professional to help you regain your dignity and self-respect.

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