Let’s talk about animals for a moment. Animals have this innate capacity, this incredible ability, to offer you unconditional space just to be. They don’t discriminate like we humans do. They don’t judge based on race, culture, caste, creed, or anything like that—none of that petty, divisive stuff. They simply accept you as you are, which is why a part of me thinks we don’t deserve them. They offer something we often can’t: pure, non-judgmental acceptance. They understand you without needing words. They just sense what you’re going through and offer support without ever asking.
Now, that is a remarkable thing. I’d say it’s a blessing from God, from the universe, or from whatever higher power you believe in. But here’s the tragedy: narcissists, monstrous as they are, don’t even leave these poor creatures alone. They weaponize this capacity for unconditional love and use it to fuel their abuse. This is why it’s so heartbreaking, and it’s exactly why I’m talking about this subject today.
Let’s start with a basic understanding. I won’t go too deep into explaining narcissism itself, because I assume you’re already familiar with that. Instead, I’ll focus on just one aspect: how narcissists interact with pets. When we talk about narcissism, we’re talking about individuals who are predatory in nature. They use others—people, animals, whatever they can—to feed their ego, inflate their grandiosity, and feel superior.
Unfortunately, pets often become victims of this predatory behavior. There are two main dynamics when it comes to narcissists and pets.
1. When the Pet Belongs to the Narcissist
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A narcissist may form a superficial bond with their pet. The animal, just by being itself, offers unconditional love, but the narcissist exploits this. Their relationship with the pet lacks genuine care, affection, and concern. The narcissist may pretend to adore the pet, showering it with attention, but this is only because the pet offers them validation. The pet listens to their commands, follows their rules, and conforms in a way that serves the narcissist’s needs.
The moment the pet deviates from this idealized behavior—say, it pees in the wrong place, chews something it shouldn’t, or causes any inconvenience—the narcissist punishes it. This punishment can be harsh, ranging from yelling and physical abuse to withholding food, water, or affection. I’ve heard of many cases where narcissists feed their pets rotten food or lock them in cages for long periods.
The narcissist wants all the benefits of having a pet but none of the responsibilities or difficulties that come with it. If the pet no longer serves their ego, they may discard it, either by rehoming it or even putting it down.
2. When the Pet Belongs to You
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If you enter a relationship with a narcissist and already have a pet, the situation can be even worse. Narcissists are jealous and controlling. They can’t stand that your pet might take attention away from them, and they will find ways to come between you and your animal. This can lead to emotional and physical abuse of your pet. They might demand that you get rid of the pet, claiming allergies or inventing problems with the animal’s behavior.
In extreme cases, I’ve heard of narcissists intentionally harming or even killing their partner’s pet. They might force you to surrender the pet to a shelter or, if you resist, make you feel like you have no other choice.
Jealousy and Control
Narcissists feel extreme jealousy when your pet shows you affection—licks, hugs, or simply being close to you. They want all your attention for themselves. They might stop you from spending time with your pet or even lock the animal outside, regardless of the weather, to punish both you and the pet. This kind of cruelty is shocking, but it happens more often than people realize.
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I’ve personally experienced this with my own pets. One of the most heartbreaking memories I have involves my cat Bella. When I was living with my narcissistic parents, there was a day when Bella suddenly started limping. After some investigation, I learned that my father had thrown something heavy at her, injuring her leg. It wasn’t the first time he had abused my pets. He had done similar things to previous pets, throwing objects at them for no reason.
I was helpless as a child, and it broke my heart to see my pets in pain. Unfortunately, this is a common pattern in narcissistic households. Narcissists don’t have empathy, and they see animals as nothing more than tools to manipulate or sources of frustration.
In summary, narcissists abuse animals in ways that are beyond cruel. They use them for narcissistic supply or target them when they feel threatened. It’s important to recognize this behavior for what it is—an extension of their abuse. They can never have a healthy relationship with a pet.
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