Next, they use triangulation and divide-and-conquer strategies. Covert narcissists often use triangulation to create discord and competition among people in their lives. This means they will often pit one person against another by spreading gossip or half-truths to create mistrust and rivalry. This allows them to maintain control and power by keeping others off balance and focused on each other rather than on the narcissist’s behavior. How do you recognize this game? If you notice that someone often talks negatively about others or shares information that seems intended to create conflict, they may be using triangulation. Be cautious about believing everything they say or consider discussing any concerns directly with the other parties involved. I often say, “Be careful what you hear about someone because you just might be hearing it from the problem.”
Next is the “poor me” game. Covert narcissists often employ the poor me tactic to manipulate others into feeling sorry for them, which provides them with narcissistic supply. They will exaggerate their struggles, play up their vulnerabilities, and paint themselves as helpless victims, which unfortunately can lead their targets to go out of their way to help, support, and defend the narcissist, even at their own expense. Again, remember they love to use guilt and pity to control other people. People generally do not want to be manipulated. If someone in your life consistently gives you the “poor me” narrative, take a closer look, as this is a big red flag. Also, if you find that someone’s advice or actions frequently lead to negative outcomes for you, consider whether they might be intentionally undermining you. Look for patterns of behavior that suggest they are more focused on maintaining power than genuinely supporting you.
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