I Can Confidently Say That as a Survivor of complex trauma and narcissistic abuse, you have one hidden weakness that makes you susceptible to further narcissistic abuse. This makes you an easy, yet perfect, target for controlling and manipulative people. This weakness has nothing to do with your empathy. No, it’s not your compassion, kindness, or understanding nature. It is something deeply embedded in your personality and resides in the deepest corners of your subconscious mind. But when it gets activated, everything shuts down. Let’s find out what I’m talking about in this article.
I’m going to talk about your biggest weakness that you need to address if you want to become narcissist-proof. The weakness I am referring to is your inability to cope or stick to your boundaries when under immense pressure. It’s how you crack and finally give in when the narcissist forces something on you. When they want something from you, yes, you say “no” in the beginning, but to avoid conflict and get rid of them, you finally just give in—give them access, give them money, or give them what they’re after, whether it’s attention or any form of supply they crave. This is what truly makes you vulnerable.
Why Does This Happen?
When you’re dealing with a narcissist, you need to know that you’re in a battle for your life. You have to stay firm in your resolve when dealing with such a monster. You cannot afford to leave them any room at all because they’re manipulative and exploitative and will turn an inch into a mile. They don’t care; they’ll take all the space. You already know this, so you have to have very strong, unshakable, and unbreakable boundaries—but not with the narcissist, with yourself.
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Why Not with the Narcissist?
The concept of having boundaries is rebellious to them. It’s a big trigger for their narcissistic false self. Boundaries are seen as a challenge they have to win by destroying all the walls you raise against them. That’s why I said you need to have boundaries with yourself, not with them. It’s impossible to maintain boundaries with a narcissist.
What Does It Mean to Have Boundaries with Yourself?
These are a set of promises you must make to yourself. You tell yourself:
“I’m not going to let anybody take advantage of me. I’m not going to let myself fall for their manipulative nature. No matter what happens, no matter how uncomfortable I feel, I’m not going to say yes. They will have to adjust and accommodate me, and I shouldn’t be the one doing so.”
In this context, they force compliance on you. I call it “forced fawning.” You don’t want to fawn; you don’t want to give in. But because they tighten the pressure so much, you feel like you need to say, “Take this and let me breathe. I can’t deal with you anymore.” That is what is seen or perceived as consent by them.
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You Need to Retrain Your Mind
I know you’re an agreeable person who wants peace in your life and dislikes conflict. That’s why you give them what they want, many times in advance. But think about it for a moment: it’s not working for you. It’s working against you. They’re reaping all the benefits and think you’re a fool. If you were to ask them how they feel about it, they wouldn’t feel grateful or thankful. They’d think you’re a fool for letting them take advantage of you. That’s how they operate. They don’t see anything you do for them as a favor, but rather as something you owe them because of their entitled, grandiose mindset.
You Have to Put a Stop to Giving In
I know it’s difficult, but you have to retrain your brain. I’m not blaming you—any person in your situation would feel compelled to give in because the narcissist leaves you with no options. I’ve been through it personally, so I get it. But you have to step in and wake up your inner falcon, your wolf, or your tiger. I’m not saying this in a narcissistic way; I’m not saying you need to become evil like them. No, but you have to become your own protector. You must fiercely protect your peace.
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How Can You Do This?
You have to remember all the things they’ve done to you. If you have cognitive dissonance and are still struggling with good memories, you have to shatter that illusion by forcing yourself to see the reality behind those memories. Write down all the things they’ve done, all the crimes they’ve committed against you, how they reduced you to a shell of yourself, how they betrayed you from the beginning of the relationship, how they lied effortlessly without remorse, how they abandoned you and never showed empathy, how they isolated you from family and friends, how they gaslighted you and created chronic doubt in your mind, how they made you believe everything was your fault, how they extracted resources from you, how they cheated and kept it hidden, how they sometimes hit, yelled, or screamed at you, and how they verbally abused and devalued you.
You Deserve Better
I’m listing these things to help you realize that you don’t deserve to be walked over. You are not a doormat. You’re not a puppet; they can’t play with you. You’re not a toy. I want you to step into your power and raise hell. I mean it—see, you have to be a force to reckon with. I’ve been there, and I’m telling you, a soft approach doesn’t work with someone like this. They don’t care about it. If they sense an opportunity to exploit you, they won’t hesitate.
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Be Unbreakable
Your internal security mechanisms need to be stronger than their delusions. No matter how much pressure they apply, you have to stand firm and repeat yourself like a broken record. Sometimes, silence is your superpower against the narcissist. You want them to get bored of you and move on. But be cautious—sometimes, you have to consciously fawn and give them something to keep them at arm’s length. Evaluate your situation and do what is right for you.
You have to train your brain into thinking that you don’t owe them anything. That’s my biggest advice for today. I’ll talk to you in the next article. Until then, as always, let the healing begin and continue.
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