Why Not with the Narcissist?
The concept of having boundaries is rebellious to them. It’s a big trigger for their narcissistic false self. Boundaries are seen as a challenge they have to win by destroying all the walls you raise against them. That’s why I said you need to have boundaries with yourself, not with them. It’s impossible to maintain boundaries with a narcissist.
What Does It Mean to Have Boundaries with Yourself?
These are a set of promises you must make to yourself. You tell yourself:
“I’m not going to let anybody take advantage of me. I’m not going to let myself fall for their manipulative nature. No matter what happens, no matter how uncomfortable I feel, I’m not going to say yes. They will have to adjust and accommodate me, and I shouldn’t be the one doing so.”
In this context, they force compliance on you. I call it “forced fawning.” You don’t want to fawn; you don’t want to give in. But because they tighten the pressure so much, you feel like you need to say, “Take this and let me breathe. I can’t deal with you anymore.” That is what is seen or perceived as consent by them.
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