Dealing with a narcissist can be one of the most challenging experiences, whether in your personal life, work, or social circles. They have a unique way of manipulating conversations to deflect responsibility, control others, and ensure they always come out on top. One of their favorite tactics is using specific catchphrases designed to make you doubt yourself or shift the blame. Let’s break down eight of the most common phrases narcissists use, what they really mean, and how you can handle them.
1. “You Can Trust Me”
One of the most common phrases a narcissist will use is “You can trust me,” often in response to a situation where they’ve betrayed your trust. It’s their way of deflecting guilt and reassuring you—even when their actions say otherwise.
Example:
I once partnered with someone in a small business. This person transferred money earned by the business into their personal account. When I questioned them about it, they said, “I didn’t know how to put it into the business account.” Yet, when I pushed further, they assured me with, “You can trust me.”
The reality? I couldn’t.
How to handle it:
Trust your gut. If their actions don’t align with their words, don’t be swayed by empty assurances.
2. “Stop Interrupting/Attacking Me”
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When a narcissist feels cornered or challenged, they may accuse you of interrupting or attacking them. This happens most frequently when you’re trying to hold them accountable or when you’re on the verge of exposing their lies.
Why they do it:
It’s a tactic to make the conversation about how you’re behaving instead of addressing the real issue. It’s a way of projecting their guilt onto you.
How to handle it:
Don’t get drawn into defending yourself. Stay calm and steer the conversation back to the issue at hand. Acknowledge their feelings but refocus on the facts: “I understand you’re upset, but can we talk about what actually happened?”
3. “I Never Said That”
Narcissists are masters of gaslighting—making you doubt your reality. One of their favorite phrases for this is, “I never said that.” Alternatively, they might say, “We did talk about that, don’t you remember?”
Gaslighting is designed to destabilize you, making you question your memory or perception of events. Over time, this can erode your confidence and leave you feeling like you’re losing your mind.
How to handle it:
Keep records, if necessary. When dealing with someone who gaslights, document your conversations in writing or keep notes. If they deny something, you can refer back to the facts calmly and confidently.
4. “No One Else Thinks That”
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Narcissists love to make you feel isolated by telling you that “no one else” agrees with you or “no one else” sees things your way. This is meant to make you feel ganged up on and doubt your position.
Why they do it:
They want you to feel like you’re the odd one out, which weakens your confidence and makes you more susceptible to their control.
How to handle it:
Stay grounded in your own beliefs. Just because they claim others don’t agree with you doesn’t make it true. If necessary, seek outside perspectives from people you trust.
5. “Everyone Else Thinks I’m Right”
The flip side of the previous tactic is when a narcissist says, “Everyone else thinks I’m fantastic” or “Everyone else thinks I’m right.” This tactic is designed to make them look perfect in comparison to you, painting you as the unreasonable one.
Why they do it:
By making themselves seem admired by others, they hope to make you feel like you’re the one with the problem, reinforcing their control over the situation.
How to handle it:
Don’t compare yourself to the imaginary “everyone else.” Focus on what’s true and right for you. Again, seeking validation from trusted third parties can help confirm what’s real and what isn’t.
6. “I Always Do Everything I’m Supposed To Do”
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Narcissists live in absolutes, often saying things like “I always do everything I’m supposed to do,” in an attempt to make themselves seem perfect and blameless.
Why they do it:
It’s a way of dismissing any criticism and turning the focus onto how “perfect” they are, while painting you as unreasonable.
How to handle it:
Don’t engage with the absolute language. Instead, focus on the specific issue at hand. A response like, “I’m not asking for perfection, but I’d like to talk about this particular problem,” can help shift the conversation back to reality.
7. “You Never Give Me What I Want”
Another absolute narcissists love is “You never give me what I want.” This phrase is meant to make you feel like you’re always failing them, creating a sense of inadequacy and guilt.
Why they do it:
They want to make you feel like you’re the problem so that you’re more likely to give in to their demands.
How to handle it:
Don’t get caught up in their absolutes. Respond with facts: “We’ve worked together before, and I’ve done X, Y, and Z. Let’s talk about what’s happening now.”
8. “Everyone Else Thinks I’m Fantastic”
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This is a favorite catchphrase used to manipulate you into feeling inferior or questioning your judgment. Narcissists will use broad statements about how admired they are by others—whether in their professional life, personal life, or among friends.
Why they do it:
By claiming widespread admiration, they try to make you feel like the only one who doesn’t see how amazing they are, leaving you feeling isolated and unsure of your own perceptions.
How to handle it:
Don’t be swayed by claims of universal admiration. Stay focused on the issues that concern you and stand firm in your boundaries.
Final Thoughts: Negotiating with Narcissists
Narcissists thrive on controlling and manipulating conversations, often using the above catchphrases to deflect responsibility, shift blame, and weaken your confidence. The key to dealing with them is to stay grounded, trust your instincts, and focus on facts rather than emotional manipulation.
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