For you to successfully win against a narcissist in any situation, you must accept that you are not going to get any kindness from them. You cannot expect amicability, cooperation, or mutual understanding. You would be foolish to believe they will be truthful. Why? Because, for them, it’s a battle, and they will punish, destroy, and harm you in any way they can.
So, what do you do in a situation like this? You play mind games—not to harm them, but to protect yourself. And how do you know if what you’re doing is working, and that they’re actually losing?
Sign number one: You’ve filled the narcissist’s head with false information. You’ve created false narratives—not to harm them, but to protect yourself. You cannot be transparent with someone who is secretive and manipulative throughout the relationship. You can’t reveal your plans, your next move, or how you’re going to protect yourself, because they’ll use that information to prepare a counter-strategy.
So, what should you do? You should keep your cards close to your chest. You’ll need to lie to them. Some of you might argue, “Doesn’t that make you a narcissist?” But let me ask you: what other options do you have? You’re dealing with an extremely manipulative personality, someone without a conscience or a moral compass, who can destroy you. How else can you cope? These lies aren’t harming them; they’re only protecting you.
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You have to plant information that makes them think they’re great, that they have control, or that you’re powerless. Let me give you an example. You tell the narcissist, “I love you so much that I can’t live without you for a second.” You need to sound desperate. What will that desperation do? It will make them feel powerful, thinking, Oh, they seek me, I must be really important. Their response? They’ll try to abandon you, punish you, and make you chase them. Isn’t that the goal? Your ultimate need is freedom. Let them abandon you—that’s exactly what you want. But you must act as if you’re suffering, even though deep down, you know you’ve fooled them into living in their fantasy world. That’s how you ethically fool a narcissist.
Sign number two: You’ve mastered the art of giving them “drip supply.” What is drip supply? It’s when you give them tiny, occasional bits of attention, admiration, validation, or even anger, just enough to make them think they’re still in control. Narcissists are chasers by nature; they don’t like abundance. So, you weaponize that trait by giving them just enough attention to keep them coming back.
Why would you want them to come back? It’s not that you want them in your life. What I mean is, you’ll be able to keep them at arm’s length, satisfied enough that they don’t fully destroy you—especially if they still hold power over you. Sometimes, you have to act as if you’re struggling or drained of energy, which gives them sadistic pleasure. But meanwhile, you’re secretly planning your escape.
Be unpredictable. When they can no longer push your buttons, you’ve learned how to push theirs—not to harm them, but to protect yourself and your freedom.
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Sign number three: You’ve fooled the narcissist into thinking you’re a fool. They believe you’re dumb and incapable of understanding legal jargon, systems, or processes. They think you’re entirely dependent on them, that you have no clue about life, and that they control the situation.
You’re no longer trying to prove yourself or argue. You let them do all the talking, while you silently observe, collecting information to plan your next move. Whether it’s to regain control of your finances, get your money back, or exit safely with your children, you use their arrogance against them.
Sign number four: You’ve convinced them that your silence is a weakness, while in reality, it’s your superpower. By remaining silent, you gray rock them, mixing it with a bit of confusion or disorientation. Silence becomes your strength because it allows them to reveal their plans while you remain two steps ahead.
If you speak too much, you give them information and provide them with the supply they crave. Instead, your silence forces them to behave in ways that eventually backfire. You’re no longer reactive; you control the situation by strategically disconnecting when needed.
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Sign number five: You’ve risen from your ashes like a phoenix. The narcissist thought they’d destroyed you, that they had won. But you’ve proven them wrong. You’ve persevered, worked on your healing, and come back stronger than ever. This is the ultimate defeat for the narcissist because your resilience shows that you’re not finished—far from it.
They will remain stuck in their perpetual state of misery, never reflecting on themselves or considering why things go wrong. Meanwhile, you’ve chosen a different path and have used the experience as a catalyst to become the most authentic version of yourself.
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