In today’s article, I’m discussing what it takes to keep a narcissist in line and have them be the one walking on eggshells for a change. Are you ready? Let’s do it!
So, let’s dive into eight strategies that actually work to keep the narcissist in line and have them be the one walking on eggshells for a change.
Number one: Start by keeping your distance. That’s right—the old adage, “familiarity breeds contempt,” is never truer than when you’re dealing with someone who lands on the spectrum of destructive narcissism. Therefore, your absolute best bet, as much as you’re able, is always going to be to keep your distance. Don’t get too close, too comfortable, or become unnecessarily familiar with someone you suspect has a destructive narcissistic personality pattern.
Of course, this is easier said than done, and many of you are already fully enmeshed with the destructive narcissist. So, keeping your distance may be tricky—at least initially. If that’s the case, then at the very least, you’ll want to begin by working on number two: Detachment.
If you’re unable to keep your distance and can’t give the narcissist a wide berth, then remaining emotionally detached will be key. Now, there’s a lot to this, especially for someone who has yet to begin their healing and recovery work, or who is still trauma-bonded to the narcissistic perpetrator. There’s no question you’ll have some work to do to get yourself to a place where you can establish the kind of emotional detachment where the game starts to change for you. That’s just the truth.
The good news, however, is that once you commit to a serious healing and recovery path for yourself, you’ll start to find it much easier to set healthy limits and boundaries with the destructive narcissist in your life. That leads us to number three: Set and maintain healthy limits and boundaries.
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If you want to keep a narcissist in line and have them be the one walking on eggshells, you must learn to set and maintain healthy limits and boundaries. Narcissists don’t have boundaries. None. They feel entitled to do, say, be, and take whatever they please, whenever they please—with zero concern or remorse for the negative impact on or cost to you.
So, if you want to learn how to keep a narcissist in line, having the strength, courage, and clarity to be able to set and maintain healthy limits and boundaries as needed—and on repeat—is going to be vital. Like I said, this becomes much easier once you’ve made progress in your own healing and recovery.
If you want to learn more about setting boundaries with a narcissist in a way that actually works, you can watch this video here, or this one here. I also teach all of this in The Freedom Class, by the way. If you need help with any of it, there’s a link in the description below where you can apply to see if you qualify for a free one-on-one consultation with either myself or a member of my team. Also, there’s a free gift section in the description below this video, so be sure to check that out as well.
Number four: If you want to keep a narcissist in line, whatever you do, never reward bad behavior. The truth is, you teach people how to treat you. And for a narcissist, the ultimate reward is attention. Any attention is better than no attention for a destructive narcissist. One major way we reward their bad behavior is by reacting to it. Narcissists love knowing they inspired some sort of emotional reaction in you. So, don’t give them that. Refuse to reward negative behavior by giving them nothing—zero, nada. And watch the tables turn quickly.
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Number five: If you want to keep a narcissist in line and have them be the one walking on eggshells for a change, simply refuse to take them seriously—no matter what they do or say. Whether their behavior is disguised as kind and caring—which you know by now is nothing more than manipulation—or whether it’s insulting, demeaning, critical, gaslighting, or invalidating in any way, let it all hit the floor. Zero emotion. Zero reaction. Complete deadpan non-reactivity.
Remember, despite outward appearances, at their core, people with a destructive narcissist personality pattern are frightened, insecure, weak, and childish bullies. So, demonstrate through your absolute non-reactivity the degree to which you don’t take them seriously. Do that a few times, and suddenly, the discomfort will be all theirs.
Number six: Establish personal sovereignty and autonomy. Now, this is similar to detachment, but it goes much deeper. You must get yourself to a point where you need nothing from them. Nothing emotional, physical, or financial. You don’t need their help, support, guidance, input, praise, or approval. They have zero leverage, sway, or influence over you.
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Think about it—what’s the price you pay for staying engaged with a destructive narcissist? Is whatever so-called “good” they bring to the table worth all the extra negativity, criticism, shaming, phoniness, toxic gossip, and character assassination? Is it worth enduring all the mind games, the using, abusing, and gaslighting? Is playing the game of “let’s pretend they care” worth it? Tell yourself the dirt honest truth: is it worth the price you’re paying?
Depending on your situation, I understand that establishing personal sovereignty and autonomy may not happen overnight. But if you want to turn the tables and keep the narcissist in line, you must take your power back fully and completely, and that means establishing personal sovereignty and autonomy on every level.
Number seven: Just don’t go. And again, I get it—this may not be possible for everyone right out of the gate. Some of you are still married to or working with the toxic bully who’s making your life a living hell. So, I understand that not everything I suggest or recommend is going to work immediately or be appropriate for every situation.
That said, for many of you, the idea of simply “not going” is an option you haven’t even considered. Just opt out. Say, “No thank you,” “I’m busy,” “I can’t,” “I don’t feel up to it,” or “I have too many competing priorities right now.” It really can be that simple.
For some of you, you just need to give yourself permission to put yourself first for a change. When you’re not ready for no-contact, low-contact is an excellent strategy. It gives you the emotional space you need while you work toward fully cutting the cord, if and when you choose.
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Narcissists use intermittent reinforcement to manipulate and control you. You can use it too. Say “yes” occasionally, but say “no” often. When they make snarky or derogatory comments about your changing behavior, simply don’t react. Shrug your shoulders, let their comments fall flat, or respond with, “Hmm, what an odd thing to say,” or “What exactly did you mean by that?” Follow up with silence, or a simple “I see.” Let the silence be your power.
Number eight: Leverage. If there’s any way for you to gain leverage over the destructive narcissist in your life, do it—especially in a co-parenting situation or any abusive family dynamic or toxic work environment. Don’t let an opportunity to gain leverage pass you by.
If you’re presented with an opportunity to gain leverage, seize it. You may never need it, but if the day comes that you do, you’ll be glad you have it. Be smart, document everything, and stay two steps ahead. But be quiet about it—keep your cards close to your chest and only show your hand when it’s absolutely necessary.
To be clear, I’m not suggesting that you exploit the narcissist with your leverage. You don’t need to become toxic, manipulative, or destructive yourself. I’m just saying if you can gain leverage, get it. Few things will keep a narcissist in line more effectively than knowing you have leverage and aren’t afraid to use it if push comes to shove.
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