Narcissists use intermittent reinforcement to manipulate and control you. You can use it too. Say “yes” occasionally, but say “no” often. When they make snarky or derogatory comments about your changing behavior, simply don’t react. Shrug your shoulders, let their comments fall flat, or respond with, “Hmm, what an odd thing to say,” or “What exactly did you mean by that?” Follow up with silence, or a simple “I see.” Let the silence be your power.
Number eight: Leverage. If there’s any way for you to gain leverage over the destructive narcissist in your life, do it—especially in a co-parenting situation or any abusive family dynamic or toxic work environment. Don’t let an opportunity to gain leverage pass you by.
If you’re presented with an opportunity to gain leverage, seize it. You may never need it, but if the day comes that you do, you’ll be glad you have it. Be smart, document everything, and stay two steps ahead. But be quiet about it—keep your cards close to your chest and only show your hand when it’s absolutely necessary.
To be clear, I’m not suggesting that you exploit the narcissist with your leverage. You don’t need to become toxic, manipulative, or destructive yourself. I’m just saying if you can gain leverage, get it. Few things will keep a narcissist in line more effectively than knowing you have leverage and aren’t afraid to use it if push comes to shove.
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