Have you ever heard of the term “covert narcissist”? You might be wondering how someone can be narcissistic yet covert. In clinical psychology, individuals diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) typically exhibit a grandiose sense of self-importance, an intense need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.
Covert narcissism, also known as shy, vulnerable, or secret narcissism, is a subtype that can be more challenging to identify due to its subtler characteristics and behaviors. Unlike their more overt counterparts, covert narcissists are not as outwardly arrogant or self-centered. Instead, they may appear anxious, reserved, and sensitive.
Without further ado, here are seven warning signs to look for if you suspect someone might be a covert narcissist:
1. Sensitivity to Criticism
Have you ever offered someone constructive feedback only to have them take it personally? Covert narcissists often possess a fragile self-image; they see themselves as nearly perfect in every way. Consequently, even minor criticism can feel like a severe insult to them. They take everything personally, which can lead to feelings of humiliation over the slightest perceived slights.
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2. They Don’t Take “No” for an Answer
Do they repeatedly press you, asking, “Oh come on, would it really be so bad?” until you give in? A common trait among narcissists is their relentless need to have things their way. While covert narcissists may adopt a more polite facade, they still struggle to accept rejection. They often disregard your feelings or reasons for declining, focusing solely on their desires.
3. Self-Gain as Their Motivation
Have you ever noticed someone who only forms friendships with those they can benefit from? Covert narcissists tend to engage in relationships that serve their own interests. They may appear sympathetic and caring, but their kindness often comes with an expectation of reward or recognition. If the conversation isn’t about them, they are likely to tune out.
4. Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Narcissists are skilled at emotional manipulation. Covert narcissists, in particular, may exhibit passive-aggressive behaviors to mask their true nature. This could involve subtly blaming others for their mistakes or delivering backhanded compliments, such as, “I only like you because you’re pretty.”
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5. Envy of Others
Narcissists often compare themselves to others, driven by an obsession to feel superior. When someone outshines them or possesses something they desire, covert narcissists can become resentful and bitter. Though they may not vocalize these feelings, their inability to celebrate others’ successes is telling.
6. Holding Grudges
Covert narcissists may hold onto grudges for extended periods, even against family and close friends. When they perceive that someone has wronged them, they struggle to let go of their anger. This can lead to spiteful and vindictive behavior, where they wait for opportunities to take revenge or tarnish the reputations of those they believe have mistreated them.
7. Difficulty with Empathy
Are they truly there for you, or do they only engage when there’s something in it for them? The key to spotting a covert narcissist lies in their actions rather than their words. They often project a facade of caring, but their lack of genuine empathy is evident through insincere apologies and hollow expressions of concern.
Final Thoughts
It’s important to remember that only qualified mental health professionals can diagnose someone with a psychological condition such as narcissism. If you recognize these traits in a friend or family member, consider encouraging them to seek help from a therapist. Additionally, it may be beneficial for you to explore counseling for yourself. Understanding the signs of narcissism can help you navigate problematic behaviors and relationship dynamics, potentially preventing emotional harm in the future.
We hope this article provides you with valuable insights into recognizing covert narcissism.
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