After surviving and dealing with a narcissist for decades, I can confidently tell you that staying calm with a narcissist is an art that, unfortunately, many survivors do not master. They often try to switch off their emotions, hoping to avoid being bothered, which is the opposite of what you should do when you cannot cut that toxic person out of your life. Staying in touch with your emotions and understanding what is happening in your body is key; disconnecting won’t help.
Remaining disconnected from your body and emotions while allowing a narcissist to dictate how you feel won’t help. Instead, focus on two things: first, become aware of your body’s reactions when you encounter their abusive tactics; second, cultivate a dispassionately curious perspective to understand their game. To achieve calmness, you must befriend your nervous system. If it remains dysregulated, no amount of self-talk will prevent reactive behavior.
Your nervous system reacts to triggers—your heart races, your breathing becomes shallow, and your body tenses. This reaction alerts your brain to a perceived threat, which can lead to losing control. Therefore, it’s essential to recognize how you typically respond to narcissists. Once you identify your trauma pattern—whether you freeze, flee, or become defensive—you can work on regulating it. For instance, if you tend to get defensive, focus on your body. Scan from head to toe, identify where you hold tension, and consciously relax those areas. Deep relaxation helps regulate your nervous system, giving you access to your prefrontal cortex for clearer thinking.
continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
