Growing up with a covert narcissist mother often involves competition, minimized needs, and blame, leading to persistent feelings of guilt. However, the impact goes much deeper. I’ll outline six traits of a covert narcissist mother and their effects on you. A covert narcissist is often hidden and not easily recognized, which can leave you feeling isolated. You may see the traits while others do not, creating confusion and self-doubt that can be more intense than with an overt narcissist.
In my psychotherapy practice, I’ve encountered many individuals raised by covert narcissist mothers. I’ve observed that these mothers often choose one child, typically the most empathetic, as their primary source of emotional supply. This dynamic can lead to extreme behaviors directed at that child, often unnoticed by others in the family. Additionally, the mother’s partner may deny or minimize her behavior, contributing to a toxic environment.
Trait 1: Playing the Victim
One prominent trait of a covert narcissist mother is her tendency to play the victim. She may claim, “I did this for you” or “I sacrificed for you,” all while sabotaging you in other ways. For instance, I once worked with a client whose mother would give her diet pills disguised as gifts, portraying it as caring. If my client expressed discomfort, family members would side with the mother, believing she only wanted what was best for her child.
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