This is where the confusion begins. If a child confronts a narcissistic parent by saying, “I don’t feel like you love me,” the narcissistic parent will make the child feel foolish for even thinking such a thing. They’ll make the child feel ashamed, pointing out all the physical or material things they provide as proof of love. However, the child’s emotional needs are often ignored. What the child doesn’t realize is that they are suffering from emotional starvation (the lack of emotional care and attention), and the narcissistic parent does not validate these emotional needs.
Because the child is made to believe they are loved, they begin to wonder, “Why do I feel so bad?” I’ll explain why and how this happens. Narcissistic parents consistently project (unconsciously transfer) their negative emotions onto their children. They feel contempt, disgust, and disdain within themselves and project these feelings onto their child. But children don’t understand projection—they absorb those negative emotions and assume they are to blame.
Another reason children are confused is that the narcissistic parent rarely uses words like “hate,” “disgust,” or “contempt.” Instead, they imply these feelings indirectly, for example, by saying, “How could you do such an awful thing? What kind of person does something like that?” These questions may seem harmless, but they imply that the child is awful or worthless. When the punishment for a minor mistake is overwhelming, the child internalizes these feelings of self-hatred.
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