They could be doing this for a number of reasons — maybe they didn’t like what you said, or maybe they didn’t like being called out for something. Or maybe they’re just bored, and things have been too quiet, so they need some kind of drama. There could be many reasons why they begin the silent treatment, but their motive is to feed off your emotions. When we make efforts to make peace and apologize, we think the other person will appreciate it. We expect them to think, “Oh wow, they want peace, so let’s have peace.” After all, doesn’t everyone want that? Narcissists, however, are almost allergic to peace, happiness, and healthy love — they run from it. They don’t think the way other people do. When someone apologizes to me, I think, “Oh wow, they feel bad for what they did. That makes me feel better; at least they didn’t mean to hurt me.” But narcissists don’t think like that. When someone apologizes to them, they think, “See, I was right. That’s an admission of guilt.”
With a narcissist, everything you say can and will be used against you, even an apology. The other thing we want to understand is that the narcissist is on a huge power trip when you allow yourself to feel tortured. If we could peer inside their mind (not a pretty place), we would hear thoughts like, “Wow, I must be really important. Look at how much he or she is suffering just because I’m not giving them attention. It’s been six days, and they just get worse. They need me like the air they breathe; they’re withering without me. I’m amazing.”
That’s a glimpse into the narcissist’s mind during the silent treatment. If you think crying will touch their heart, it won’t. If you think pleading will get through, it won’t. If you think showing your suffering will touch their empathy, it won’t. You’re not dealing with a person who has empathy, which is why the silent treatment drags on.
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