Once we realize that, we get to the second part of stopping the silent treatment forever, which has to do with us. Many of us continue to feel tortured, allowing ourselves to be in anguish, begging and pleading because we have the wrong thought: “I need this person to approve of me, to love me, to show me I’m likable, lovable, and a good person.” I didn’t consciously think that way, but my actions showed it.
When you’re raised in an environment where you’re taught your value comes from external validation, you don’t know anything else. It’s subconscious programming. That was my programming, and I was carrying it out without even realizing it.
Now, the truth is, everyone should want their significant other to value them, to see their worth, to love and cherish them. But we don’t need that to know we are valuable, beautiful, and amazing people. I didn’t know that at the time. I found it hard to feel valuable when the person I was in a relationship with treated me as if I were dead. Their view of me became my view of me. I was super codependent, relying on that person’s approval and love to feel worthy.
When you recognize that your subconscious programming is leading you to act in a way that’s not working for you, you can stop it — even before the next silent treatment comes your way. I challenge you to start generating your own self-love. Begin feeding your own self-worth, self-confidence, and self-value, instead of feeding the narcissist’s desire for your emotions, which leaves you drained.
When the silent treatment comes next time, do these three things:
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