If there is anything about narcissists that I can say with absolute confidence, it is that they are weird. They are weird in how they think, what they believe, how they see you, and how they see themselves. This weirdness manifests in myriad ways through their dysfunctional behaviors. I’m talking about behaviors like their peculiar phone calling habits, bathroom habits, sleep habits, and so on.
Before we get started with number one, here is a small disclaimer: no behavior in isolation means anything at all. We cannot generalize things. Just because you have a different dressing style or you wear unique clothes according to your preferences does not automatically mean you are a narcissist.
Number one: They have a chameleon wardrobe filled with clothes of different colors and styles, depending on who they are targeting and what they are trying to do. One day, they’re sporting a youthful, trendy look, and the next day, they’re wearing something that does not align with their personality style. Why is that? They do not have a true personality; they create multiple aspects of themselves to deal with different situations. Let’s say a narcissist is trying to impress you. He or she will try to learn your favorite colors, the brands you prefer, and what kind of fabric you like the most. The next day, you’ll find them wearing the same brand, the same colors, and the fabric that you like. Why? To create a psychological connection, to make you think you are falling in love with a reflection of yourself. They know that by mirroring you and cloning your dressing style, they can gain your trust easily, giving them full access to who you are as a human being.
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Number two: Narcissists dress to preserve their youth. They refuse to age gracefully and cling to clothing that may be too youthful for their age, such as tight jeans or flashy accessories. Now, you may argue, “What’s wrong with that? Anyone should be able to wear anything as long as they like it.” You’re absolutely right. But the problem with narcissists in this scenario is that they use a particular type of clothing to gain access to young people and be part of that group. Older people who prefer a younger dressing style do not do that; they may want to look young by wearing certain clothes, but their main intention is not to run away from their age or deny their reality. They gracefully accept it and somehow reconcile with it. A narcissist, on the other hand, always chases something that makes them feel younger than their biological age. I have also noticed that when a narcissist starts dressing in a youthful way, there is usually a young supply in their life, and to fit the scenario and relive their youth, they dress accordingly. This is a major form of gaslighting; through wearing these types of clothes, they delusionally believe they are 20 when in reality they may be 70, 80, or older.
Habit number three: This is very interesting and personal—an excessive focus on their dressing style in public and complete neglect in private. I have seen this with my father; he would overly focus on his looks and hygiene when going out because going out meant influencing a certain type of people or projecting a false image. But when at home with us, he would hardly care. He would wear old, worn-out clothes and didn’t care how shabby he looked or how that made us feel. He had money and clothes but still chose to wear his used items. Can you believe it? He would say, “Why do you need to discard those? Give them to me; I’ll put them to use.” They meticulously dress up when they have to attend a certain occasion or meet someone, but when in private or less visible situations, they let their appearance slip entirely, hardly caring about their hygiene. If you told them, “You smell, go take a shower,” they might respond, “No, I don’t care.” This shows they do not respect you or the surroundings they share with you at all. It’s all about supply; they are motivated by what is in it for them. Changing clothes and dressing nicely when with you has nothing to offer them, so why would they put in the effort? As crazy as this may sound, I have seen some narcissists wearing formal attire when going on a date. Yes, they can wear what they want, but do you understand what I’m trying to say here? It’s a power move that makes them feel powerful. Female narcissists often wear high heels, and while there is nothing wrong with that, I’m talking about obsessively wearing heels all the time—even at home. They might even wear heels when they’re with you. What does that make them think? They feel like they are some kind of queen of a kingdom or that they are really powerful. Another thing they do is wear sunglasses all the time—at home and outside. It’s like they want to hide their eyes. Why? Because they are insecure and filled with shame. When someone is embarrassed about themselves, what do they avoid? Making eye contact. So that is a possible explanation, or they might be predators who want to keep scanning you for information without letting you know.
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Habit number four: They compete through clothing. For a narcissist, clothing is not just about self-expression; it’s a tool for competition. They deliberately dress to overshadow those around them. Let’s say it’s your wedding day, and you’re dealing with your narcissistic mother, who is also a guest. You have your beautiful white gown ready, and it’s understandable that nobody would come to the wedding wearing the same kind of gown because it’s only for the bride. Then, your mother arrives wearing a similar or the same type of gown, leaving you shocked. Everyone goes, “What the hell? What’s wrong with her?” It’s inappropriate, and they do it on purpose. It’s a competition for them. How can you celebrate your wedding day without chaos? To regain her status and reestablish her importance, she puts on a dress that she knows will create chaos and conflict. But that’s what she likes; she wouldn’t care how traumatized you feel or how your wedding day would be destroyed. She’ll do it because it serves her ego. The same thing may happen on a daily basis with a narcissist. If you’re dealing with a female narcissist in any capacity, they’ll first notice what you select to wear, and the next thing you know, their closets will be filled with the same types of dresses and colors, stealing your choices. They are copycats who deliberately steal away your personality.
Number five: The last one is that they are extremely attached to designer labels. A grandiose type of narcissist needs to fill their wardrobe with designer labels and logos. It’s not just about staying updated or being fashionable; it’s about reclaiming superiority. That dress or brand is associated with being elite—among the most elite in society. Such a narcissist’s dressing style may be expensive, bold, or attention-grabbing, just to assert dominance. An example I would like to give you is of a school teacher who typically dresses casually—this is their preferred style—but all of a sudden, there’s a major personality shift. They start wearing formal clothes. There’s no need for this, but they do it, and their closet fills with different blazers, ties, and so on. Why? Because looking a certain way makes them feel powerful. When they put on that blazer, it makes them feel like the CEO, the principal, the authority. That is the delusional reality of a narcissist—something that has nothing to do with practical reality. In reality, they are just a teacher, nothing more, but they like to think otherwise. Another example is a female narcissist who puts on a gown and believes she’s some kind of queen. You can see it in their demeanor, their behavior, and their voice. It makes you think, “What’s wrong with this person? Why are they acting differently?” This behavior is also applicable to the places they sit; they will sit in a certain position, and it feels like some kind of demon has taken over. They talk arrogantly.
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