When a narcissist can’t control you, they feel threatened by you. When they feel threatened by you, they’ll have to deal with the threat to their false persona in the only way they know how. Usually, that means working to control how others see and perceive you—how others feel about you. They’ll literally go out of their way to discredit, diminish, and demean you as a preemptive measure. The reality is, this can be going on long before you even realize there’s a problem. They’re fake, they’re phony, and they are liars. They tell lies by omission as well as outright lies, and they do so with tremendous ease and zero guilt, shame, or remorse.
So, they have no problem showing up and playacting, pretending that all is well, while simultaneously smearing you to smithereens the moment your back is turned. It doesn’t matter the relationship dynamic; narcissistic parents do this to the children they can’t succeed in manipulating, dominating, or controlling. Narcissistic in-laws jump at the chance to do this as quickly as possible unless anyone else in the family sees the newcomer or outsider in a favorable light. That wouldn’t do, would it? Narcissistic siblings, relatives, friends, bosses, ex-lovers, and spouses do this all the time, mainly to cover up their own horrific relationship crimes.
The bottom line is that narcissists need to be in a position of perceived superiority, dominance, and control. Although your strength and personal power may be attractive and compelling in the early stages of the relationship dynamic, it’s going to be very problematic with anyone who lands on the spectrum of destructive narcissism. It’s just a matter of time. Why? Because you’ll be too difficult or too hard to handle, which is the same as saying you’re not easy to manipulate, dominate, dupe, deceive, or control.
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