If you are with a narcissist or have been with one, you may have noticed that they repeat the same behaviors over and over, following a routine—a set of mechanical, robotic habits that seem soulless. But why is this the case? How do these habits and routines serve them? Let’s explore this in today’s episode.
The narcissist’s behavior is controlled by a set of habits they’ve developed through repetition and observational learning. They are creatures of habit who find change extremely unpleasant and unsettling because it means a potential loss of control and supply. So, they stick to routines and patterns to convert an unpredictable world into something they can manage and control.
Reflecting on my own experience, I recall how my father was obsessed with kitchen gardening. Every day, he would follow the same routine, working in the garden like it was an extension of himself. At first, I thought it was a hobby, but now I see it as his way of maintaining control—over what was grown, when and how vegetables were consumed, and even who they were given to.
Interestingly, narcissists may change their home, partner, or occupation, but even within these changes, there is a predictable pattern. This makes their personality both chaotic and rigid at the same time. They repeat the same behaviors robotically, with similar outcomes. Narcissists find comfort in familiarity and predictability because it allows them to maximize control over situations and people. This is why they tend to manipulate and seek out individuals who are easily controlled.
Emotional Suppression
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While they may seem controlled and organized on the outside, they are actually imbalanced and insecure on the inside. Their routines and habits are mechanical, enforced, and devoid of any depth or meaning. It’s like they are following a script designed to keep them going and ensure their supply. This focus on finding supply makes narcissists absent-minded, unfocused, and disinterested in people or events around them—unless these events relate to their supply or control.
As a child, my father never cared about what was going on in my life. He only interfered when it affected his public image or his control over my choices. Narcissists develop habits to compensate for their inability to deal with the real world. These automated routines require less mental investment and provide them with a false sense of functionality.
For instance, my father prayed five times a day, but it felt like lip service because, despite his prayers, he remained hard-hearted and abusive. If someone is genuinely trying to connect with a higher power, how can they be so disconnected and cruel? Narcissists have rigid opinions, unbending rules, and uncompromising views on right and wrong, which they force upon others, especially their family. These compulsions and obsessions make them resistant to change.
Their habits are fossils of past responses to the environment they grew up in. Their routines often involve fear-inducing and paranoia-driven behaviors, like obsessively watching negative news. I remember how my father would watch fake news and spread fear, constantly warning us of terrible things to come, as if he were reliving his own childhood terrors.
Emotional Suppression
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When their routines are disrupted or no longer serve them, the narcissist’s world begins to collapse. They want the outside world to mirror their inner world, and when it doesn’t, they feel lost and vulnerable. This reminds me of the time I finally stood up to my father. When his routine of silencing me failed, I saw him shrink into a small, frightened figure, unsure of what to do.
Narcissists are slaves to their own false self, which functions through these repetitive routines. When these routines are taken away, their false self starts to disintegrate, leaving them defenseless and unable to function.
Conclusion:
In short, narcissists are trapped by their own false self, which depends on repetition and routine. They cannot function without these habits in place.
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