Our bodies are designed to remain in a regulated state most of the time, but in such relationships, the opposite happens. When your system is dysregulated, the sympathetic nervous system, part of the autonomic nervous system, gets activated and remains dominant. When this happens, the blood flow to the cortical regions responsible for rational thinking and being present is reduced, and instead, it flows more to the midbrain and lower brain. This results in us losing our sense of time and reacting out of survival instincts, such as fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
In a healthy situation, we only activate survival responses occasionally. But in a narcissistic relationship, we end up reacting and functioning in survival mode almost constantly.
The main drivers of this constant hypervigilance and feeling like you’re walking on eggshells are the manipulation, belittling, demoralization, and slow, hard-to-recognize abuse that the narcissist inflicts. Over time, this chronic stress results in trauma, which I refer to as chronic traumatization.
A narcissist, in my opinion, is a thief of resources. They slowly degrade your resilience and your ability to cope, wearing down your personality until you feel helpless.
Looking back at the brain, this chronic stress causes structural changes in key areas such as the cortex, the limbic system, the amygdala, and the hippocampus. These changes alter your perception of threat, reward, bonding, and even consciousness.
For example, in terms of threat perception, you may start perceiving danger even when there’s none. This might manifest as getting startled or triggered by someone’s tone, body language, or even certain sounds or smells. This hyper-alertness often arises in relational contexts, which I’ll explain further toward the end of this article.
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