Next, let’s look at how our perception of reward and punishment changes in a narcissistic relationship. The narcissist’s inconsistency—being warm and kind one moment and cold and dismissive the next—creates confusion. This back-and-forth connection and withdrawal rewires how we perceive bonding and punishment. Eventually, even small gestures from the narcissist, like a simple emoji, become significant to us because our brain is craving any form of connection or validation.
The brain damage from this chronic stress also manifests as rumination, where you’re constantly thinking about past events. This happens because the prefrontal cortex, responsible for rational thinking, is deactivated, while the limbic and lower brain areas stay active. As a result, your brain focuses solely on survival, pushing aside basic functions like appetite and sleep.
The hormonal imbalances resulting from constant stress also play a role. High levels of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline cause physical damage to the body and brain, contributing to issues like inflammation, autoimmune disorders, and even memory problems.
Beyond the physical and psychological, narcissistic abuse also damages us spiritually. Many survivors lose their sense of trust in the greater good, in humanity, and in God or the universe. They often feel betrayed and question why they were put in such a situation.
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